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Text Josie Pyke Photos Jan van Breda
Heavily set, rugged and fiercely hyper-masculine, these are males who convey strength, identity and are an ever-growing subculture of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (lgbt) population. Welcome to the “bear” community.
Evolving in the 1980’s, with a carefree effervescence, this social movement of homosexual males has increasingly become an influence and a symbol of many things, from self-expression to self-identity, from literature to fashion. Literally taken from the English noun “Bear”, these hairy, thick-set males gained this status due to their acceptance of their masculinity. How one defines a Bear is ambiguous. Some refer to it as a way of life, a social movement. Others see it as an image or a perception, more based around aesthetics. Yes, bears have grown in society because of their image, but it’s an image of free-will. There is no rule book within the Bear community that says you have to look thin, well groomed and effeminate, to be classed as a homosexual male.
Even though the Bears on the surface seem a positively unpretentious community, there are several subcultures, sometimes known to be quite strict. There have been debates as to what actually constitutes these subcultures. Younger or aspiring bears are labelled cubs or otters. Otters are the slimmest type of Bear with finer hair, cubs can be as hairy as they like, but are typically younger looking: a baby bear. The wolves exhibit maturity and masculinity and are usually the older and more dominant males. Bearded, larger male covered with a blanket of hair? You’re a definite grizzly. Muscle Bears speak for themselves and have created a successful separate culture to the rest. Their muscular, body builder status has become a demand within gay culture and events such as Mr Muscle Bear pageants are a growing demand. These muscle Bears are known to shun the idea of cubs or the otters being part of the community. Adversely, the muscle Bears have the same idea of Bears with higher body fat, often referred to as “Chubs”. Muscle Bears and their culture have been known to exclude males who do not conform to their standards of a “real Bear”.
Whether you’re a cub, a grizzly, or simply just an admirer, BEAR Magazine caters for all varieties of Bear lovers. 1985 saw the beginning of the Magazine. Published by Richard Bulger in 1987, it was released as an alternative to the mainstream gay men’s mags. It featured erotic content including stories, photos and even dating ads which allowed the readers to meet other likeminded males, making BEAR magazine a successful network. Men would also submit photos of themselves to be featured in the magazine. Although under new direction, BEAR Magazine is still growingly popular in the USA and gracing the top shelves, it’s also available digitally. Two years after Bear Magazine came the Lone Star Saloon, also known as “Bear Bar USA”. Set in San Francisco, the Saloon is known as a defining point in Bear history.
It infamously provided Bears and bikers with a source of familiarity and welcoming. Now known as the world’s most famous bear bar, the Lone Star Saloon is still in full swing today. The bar holds an annual “International Bear Rendezvous” as well as monthly “Cubcake” parties for fans of the younger less masculine bears known as the Cubs. The late eighties became the rise of The Bear Hugs Group and private “play parties”.
Described as inhibited and erotic, these private liaisons provided bears with a safe, intimate environment to meet, play and often result in orgies. Spreading the love of the bear community overseas, these groups and parties reached Great Britain and soon after, steamy hot tub parties known as “Bear Soups” were introduced. Flemish fashion designer and self proclaimed Bear, Walter Van Beirendonck, known for his powerful colour combinations and unconventional context, brought Bears to the catwalk. In preparation for his summer 2010 fashion show, bored of casting for regular male models, Beirendonck held an open casting call for “Muscle Bears”. Understanding the shock element he would be giving to the public, Beirendonck says for him, although there’s a sexual attraction, he simply likes to see different body types on the catwalk. He describes the Bear scene as a “nice vibe” not caught up in drugs or heavily focused things like SizeGenetics penis enlargement and have their minds on sex, they’re a “positive scene” and a welcomed contrast.
Continuing to excel Bears as symbols of vanity and fashion, International Mr Bear contests are now a global event. This wonderfully masculine beauty pageant, in which the winner becomes the symbol and representation for bears in their hometown, first started in Bear birthplace San Francisco 1992, but has now spread to Germany and the UK. The categories for Mr Bear are Grizzly, Cub, and Daddy, with one winning the overall title. There are various Bear comics by Jeff Jacklin, contributing to Bears recognition in the media. These fantasy bear worlds have been known to excite Bear readers with their stories of powerful muscle Bears teamed with fabulous comic book art.
Today, Bears are role models of self belief and confidence, a fierce display of all types of masculinity in this fabulous, rapidly expanding sub culture of the LGBT community. Bears are considered symbols of sex, fashion and lifestyle and have created a whole new category within the LGBT community. If that’s not impressive enough… . What I love most about the Bear community is their desire to break the enclosed stereotype of homosexuality. Right from the beginning, they said no to generalisation. In the 21st century, there are enough problems with generalising as it is, but the Bears questioned the fixed idea that a man had to be thin, hairless and young to be accepted as part of gay culture. What’s wrong with being homosexual but still loving yourself as a man? According to the Bears, absolutely nothing.
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Text JF. Pierets Photos Dirk Alexander
“I’m confused, I’m sitting here on the sofa, the heart my boyfriend drew on the mirror is still there, my heart in a rice cooker. I think I’ll marry him again at lunch. My cat is sleeping but it’s already been 4 days. Well, I have to go to the supermarket anyway. Guess technology isn’t ready for pancake teleportation”.
This is the diary entry from the main character of Niels Peeraer’s collection. The darling child of the Antwerp Academy’s graduating class of 2011 presents his graduate work Guess technology isn’t ready for pancake teleportation, consisting of couture-like tweed silhouettes, handmade leather armors, accessories, clothes and Japanese wooden sandals. All in candy-colored pastels. His concept revolved around the idea of a young boy who has an imaginary boyfriend and prepares to marry him every day. He plays video games all day long and goes to the supermarket in his pyjamas. He wears the armour that his video games-heroes are clad in, combines this with his grandmothers couture jackets (they’re actually too small but he’s very attached to them) and eats nothing but cupcakes and donuts.
Peeraer’s collection blends sophisticated Chanel-esque and a super-cute look with an ease that makes you curious about what’s going to happen next. Although the pictures show girlish boys wearing soft pink clothes, and cupcakes and teddy bears are placed just right, Niels is the only one who will never mention the words “unisex” or “androgynies” because he wants to achieve the exact opposite. “I want to create beautiful pieces that stand on their own for whomever feels related or touched by them”, he says.
Born in a tiny village in Belgium, Niels later moved to Paris: “Intentionally I wanted to move to Tokyo but plans changed as I found love in Paris. I just love the possibilities here: good Asian restaurants, cosmopolitan people. It’s very vibrant. And of course, residing in such a romantic city with the one you love is the most wonderful thing ever.” Part from moving out of love, Niels also thinks that some countries aren’t ready to appreciate his work or who he is. At least not yet. “I never really intend to shock people but I really want to wear the feel of the moment. When I wake up and feel like putting on a tutu, so be it. In Paris I don’t stand out as much as in Belgium so that’s a good start, but I love Tokyo, they think I’m super cute.” Influenced and inspired by Geisha’s and Japanese boys, Niels has always been thrilled by Asia, mainly Japan. In interviews he sometimes says he was a Japanese Geisha in his previous life.
For him that’s the closest description he can give for how this affection feels. Although not influenced by idols – “I think it limits you a lot” – he’s inspired by people in his everyday life and if he would really have to call someone an idol, it would be Terence Koh, a Canadian Chinese artist. One of his philosophies is “I will marry marry marry again, till marriage out of love becomes as common as drinking water”.
His 3rd year Bachelor collection “Kizokusyakai no Dorei, geisha n°58-65” was granted the “Innovation Award” by Anne Chapelle (the leading woman behind Ann Deumeulemeester and Haider Ackerman) and was selected as a finalist for ITS#9 (International Talent Support, IT). His Master collection Guess technology isn’t ready for pancake teleportation won 5 awards which included a limited edition handbag collaboration with Delvaux. He had a personal gallery exhibition at MOMU (fashion museum, Antwerp), FFI movex Award for the leather usage and Ra Award (included showroom in Paris SS 2012). Did I mention Niels just reached his twenties? What does – let’s call it awardness – do to someone who only just graduated? “I’m very thankful for the appreciation of course, but if I learned one thing from my parents it’s to be humble. I don’t think too highly of myself. To get the highest grades of your class and to win all these awards frankly doesn’t mean that much when you compare it to this huge fashion scene. I’m going to make more than one collection per year but I don’t want to go crazy in following the madness of making four in the same amount of time. I think the fashion industry became too fast – the quality can’t keep up with it. So I want to try to get rid of that pressure and design beautiful pieces that are slightly more expensive. I would like people to buy just one beautiful piece instead of ten pieces of junk at H&M, having to throw them away after a year.”
At the moment Niels is starting a label for leather accessories in Paris. “Becoming a designer was always one of my dreams and all I can hope for is to actually make money by creating the collections I love so much. And maybe one day my designs will be sold in Asia. Wouldn’t that be amazing..”
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Text & photos JF. Pierets
We meet Michael Cunningham in Brussels where he is invited as an Artist in Residence by literary organisation Het Beschrijf. Coffee, Belgian chocolates and a conversation with the Pulitzer Prize-winning author of The Hours.
And, how’s Brussels?
For my purposes now Brussels’s perfect. Alive and tame enough to be the perfect backdrop for a reclusive month of work. I’m not reclusive by nature so it’s a good thing because in NYC I go out more than I should. By the way, are there some great gay bars you know of?
Coming to my next question: I heard you less mind being called a gay writer these days. What happened?
I may be overly optimistic but I feel like that’s happening less and less in the States. Nowadays it’s only at certain occasions that I’m presented as a gay writer. I even get invited to real writer things. I’m on the shelves with all the rest of the writers. My audience is all over the place and I can only conclude – certainly when it comes to literature – we’re moving out of that categorisation. We’re moving into a world in which the books are just the books. But that’s been my experience. When I started out it was much more so. I’ve actually seen it change. When my first novel came out I got invited to either gay panels or as the gay voice in straight panels. That’s not happening anymore. And it’s complicated because on one hand I don’t want anyone to be able to imagine that I am covering up my sexuality in any way. As a matter of fact, I probably make it very clear that I’m not covering it up. So far that sometimes it feels like an invasion of privacy. So on one hand I’m going to be public about it and on the other hand, the fact that I’m a gay writer is only one thing about me. I’m also a white writer, an American writer and a male writer and all those things matter. Again – and this might be absurdly optimistic – but it seems like often a sort of invisible or semi visible cohort of the writing population has to get so to speak poled out of the limelight, so as to move on to the ‘just another writer’ period. There were a lot of African American writers for a long time and less so now. A new book by an African American writer is simply received as a new book. But there may be a period in which any group that has been ignored, has to be shoved down everybody’s throats so it can become normal after a while.
But you did feel a certain pressure from the queer community.
I think one of the tricky things about the fact that there finally is a significant body of queer literature is that books by and about gay people are like books by any kind of person. It isn’t just about that this is not how novels work, that’s not a novel you want to read and less so now, but I did feel a certain pressure from the queer community to write about happy queers who are doing fine. But then I never wanted to read a book about any happy people who are doing fine. That’s not what novels are about. That’s why we love Anna Karenina, I just can’t name a significant book about happy people for whom everything turns out fine. You really cannot aim your queer expectations in those directions or we just end up with crappy books that don’t feel true. There are many ways to spread a social message but a novel is a human message. It’s about the difficulty of being human. And the complexity of being human. And it almost always involves real striving and conflict. And I think our queer novelists have to keep that in mind and present gay characters that are not stereotyped but also not impossible paragons. Those are two ways of making gay people inhuman. People are sexually complex and I think that has not really been adequately portrayed in a lot of fiction. In part because for a long time you couldn’t write about it at all. And now that we are more able to write about our characters sexuality, I certainly find a lot of it a little too simple. Certainly by 2011 queer lives were so various that the appellations straight, gay, bisexual and transgender as categories– even if we keep expanding the list – just prove inadequate. And those are things I want to write about.
There’s always one word that comes to mind when I think about the way your write and that’s ‘effortless’.
It takes a great deal of effort to make it look effortless. But that’s pretty much my aim. Don’t be dull and give something back to the people who buy your books. I’m thinking of my readers as people with no time to waste.
You write a lot about beauty. Seems quite important in your everyday life.
I’m a whore for beauty. And yes, it’s always a little autobiographical. The kind of novelist you are inevitably reflects the kind of person you are. And I love all kinds of beauty, not just the standard issued beauty, but more the unorthodox ones like a Lucian Freud painting or Leigh Bowery. But yes I am as a man, and therefore as a writer, interested in beauty. But not in the 18 year old girl on the cover of Vogue. Not the obvious. We’re so bombarded with a particular verified kind of official beauty that is actually presented by 001% of the whole population. My last book Nighthawks contains my first and last technically officially beautiful character. It had to be for the story to work. But all my other books and all the books I plan for the future involve love and sex between people who are not 22 and perfectly formed. I’m really adamant about that. I’m very much about the particular idiosyncratic beauty of my characters that are not hired by Calvin Klein for the next underwear campaign. First and foremost you have to write what you feel most passionate about. I suppose when I was one of those guys whose idea of the ultimate manifestation of human beauty was a Calvin Klein underwear model, I would write about those guys. But I’m not especially interested in that sort of Prozac obvious beauty. I’m interested in the more subtle and magical kinds of beauty that isn’t on billboards.
Does it have anything to do with aging?
No, I’ve always felt this way. For one thing, I’m sceptical about the modification of beauty because if we are sufficiently convinced that only that 22 year old Ukrainian girl on the cover of Vogue is beautiful and we would spend a billion dollars looking as much as possible like that person. It’s economic. Since I was young I didn’t like that, I don’t buy that. It’s like we’re being hoodwinked. I feel like underneath that singularly beautiful young person is someone’s desire for us to buy a 200 dollar jar of moisturiser and I don’t like that. But people love the illusion that they can stay young forever.
It would be disingenuous to say that I don’t care, but staying young forever is not in fact an option and there are times when I imagine going back in time and saying to myself at 25: “you should have more fun, lap it up, be less worried. You are 25. This is even better than you know.” But whenever I think about that I see myself sitting next to it at 58, saying the same thing. I’ve always had certain political and cultural convictions and part of me says: fuck people who say sex at 59 is over. For men and women. Women get it much worse. And if anybody is going to change that it’s going to be the people who are getting older. By not lying about your age, by looking good without desperately wanting to be 30. You know, I wish Madonna would age better. I think she’s misusing her power by continuing to insist she’s 37. So let’s focus on Julie Christie. She had no work done and looks amazing.
Talking about Hollywood, you are into movies since The Hours.
Yes, and I never have to pursue anybody. They just call me. Unfortunately, most movies I wrote didn’t make it to the screen but that’s how it works. You initiate many more products than the ones that do end up on the screen. The big companies are always very nervous that it’s not commercial enough. Sometimes that breaks my heart. For example I was doing the Dusty Springfield story with Nicole Kidman for a big movie company. Turned out they had not really done their research. During the meeting I did say she was a lesbian and they didn’t expect us to change that, but I had no idea they where unaware of the fact she took a pound of cocaine a day and flushed it away with a quarter of vodka. She was in and out of rehab, hallucinated and got beaten up by her girlfriends. Seemed that the studio wanted a singing leprechaun. They thought lesbian is edgy enough, let’s leave it to that. A happy preppy Dusty with just that little thing about her, didn’t quite cover the story because both Nicole and I wanted to do the real thing. It’s a pity, but that’s the way things go in the movie business. They only care about if it makes a hundred million dollars. Even the involvement of Kidman doesn’t make a difference. The whole star-thing is breaking down in Hollywood. It’s a kind of shift in Zeitgeist that nobody understands. A big star is no guarantee anymore for a box-office hit. All I can think about is that the audience has had enough of shitty movies that accidentally have a star in it.
What about the stardom that comes with winning a prestigious prize?
Winning the Pulitzer Prize made writing less fun. I pretty much gotten over that too much expectations-thing but in the beginning I thought: “fuck, what I am going to do now?” It was frustrating but also very freeing to write books that nobody paid attention to. And it turns out both the good news and the bad news is that people are going to pay a lot more attention now. And yes, it freaked me out at first but then after a while I thought: “what if you would just get over a streak of good fortune that other people would kill for. What if you’d just get the fuck over it and go on.” But it is still in the back of my mind. Whatever your stature is in the world as a writer or any other kind of artist, you have to maintain a certain kind of recklessness. A certain kind of disregard for how a book will go over, a certain willingness to write in a different way that may not please the people who loved The Hours so much. And I have to hold on to that. And it can be a little more work to hold on to it when another book has been so successful. And you have to remind yourself: “it’s fine! Do not write that book again.” Sometimes I would love to be one of those people who are truly indifferent to public opinion. I can convince myself I’m indifferent to public opinion but there’s something in many of us that -once you’ve gotten prizes and were on best seller lists – makes us want that again and you have to slap yourself sometimes and say: “you may never get that again”. So you have to cultivate as much of indifference to that as you can. Be grateful for the fact it happened once.
Is there an amount of luck involved?
Any artist who’s successful has to acknowledge that there is some luck involved. I’m really good at what I do, I’ve worked really hard for a long time and as it turned out the world was interested in this short book about three women. No-one expected that, nobody looked at that book and said: I smell a hit. Especially me because I always wrote what I wanted and every time I told myself: “I promise, after this one I’m going to write my bestseller.” There aren’t that many good writers in the world. I’m a very good writer and I’m one of the few who are successful. And yes, there are other writers who are really good but didn’t get a break. Who didn’t write the right book at the right time. Something just didn’t happen, their number didn’t come up yet. Mine did. Working hard and being good at what you do doesn’t necessarily lead to celebrity and success. You never know. And publishers have not figured out how to guarantee success for a book.
But you don’t have the feeling you’ve already written THE book, the headlight of you career?
I feel like every book is a little better than the last one. I think that’s how it’s supposed to work. That you spend your life learning how to write novels by writing them and you die still learning how to write a novel. Ideally you live a long productive life in which each book increases your powers slightly and you are better able to summon complex emotions, you’re better able to render a scene, you know what’s too much, what’s too little. But almost inevitably the world picks one book out of the continuant – saying this is THE book. There’s this famous curse of the Nobel Prize meaning that you are fucked forever.
But it does give you that immortal glance.
Immortality is such a dead end because no-one knows and if we could summon a well-read person from 100 years ago and show that person a list of the books from his or her time to us now, I think there would be some pretty surprising titles. Like Virginia Woolf in her time, she had some recognition but she was no Hugh Walpole. He was the Don Delilo of those days. Nobody knows him now. You see, everybody gets forgotten. There’s a tiny, tiny fraction of people who are actually remembered just through their work.
One more thing about The Hours. Laura Brown, one of your characters, is abandoning her child which is considered being one of the last taboos. Do you have some taboos yourself?
My only taboo as a writer is stereotypes. I couldn’t write about a woman whose husband beat her up because she kind of deserves it. I wouldn’t write about a gay man who arranges flowers and hasn’t got a thought in his head except getting laid and going to a party. Even though I think that man exists. But you’re right, an ambivalent mother is just one of the last taboos and I can’t tell you how many women came up to me after reading The Hours and said: “that was my life and I never read about it before. Thank you for finally writing about a mother who actually has some mixed feelings about her child.” Because there are more than you think.
Leaves us nothing but to ask about your Big Dreams for the future.
At the risk of sounding insipid, I would love more of what I already got. I do work I really care about. I guess if I would pray, I prayed for continuance rather than some kind of big change. I think that’s an indication of living the life you want. If you hope for enormous changes maybe you should be making them, maybe you should be out there doing something about that. But I like my life, I feel challenged, engaged by my work and I have great friends. But if you would ask me to choose one thing, than I would love to be able to.. well… come three times in a row.
Thanks to Het Beschrijf for arranging this meeting.
Thanks to Passa Porta bookshop – Brussels for letting us use their basement.
www.michaelcunninghamwriter.com
www.beschrijf.be
www.passaporta.be
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Text JF. Pierets
Her calling card in life is to explore and to experiment with different mediums in order to create something new. Creating is her obsession and passion and she refuses to put herself in a bubble by sticking to one thing only. Next to being a designer, artist and performer, she’s also the leading lady of one of the happiest parades in the world. The Sydney Colour Parade.
On dreams
My mother taught me how to crochet when I was eight but everything started when I saw work by the The Icelandic Love Corporation. The crocheted work they did for Björk was so amazing and mind blowing that I knew what I was heading for. I believe that you can be whatever you want to be in this world as long as you do it every day. Let’s say practice makes perfect!
On inspiration
I get my inspiration from plants, insects and the ocean. The ocean is the main place I draw from. My world situates underwater, in the depths of the sea that has not yet been explored. I would like to create an entire world of fluorescent beauty and inspire future creatives to go along with their own endeavors. I want to remind the world that there are no limits.
On fashion
There’s definitely a niche market out there that would be up for some wardrobe jazz-up. Once a year I do a solo exhibition, and I have displayed in galleries in Berlin. I’ve been involved in collaborative fashion shows such as the ‘Being Born Again’ couture show in Sydney. Along with my partner in crime, Casio Ono, we have done commissioned work for a label called Emerald Couture but we’re not really into the commercial fashion industry. Our pieces take so long to assemble that it would be impossible to mass produce. Also, I see myself as more of an artist than as someone who’s working for a giant monster. But don’t get me wrong, we are always open for collaborations. If it means that fashion would be more inspiring to look at, then everyone should have a pair of pom pom gloves!
On changing movements
I can’t deny the other amazing people out there who create, evolve and constantly push their boundaries. Throughout history there have been collectives of artists who pop up simultaneously and inspire the world into evolving. It’s like they’re launching themselves into the future. Groups like Bauhaus, Dadaists and the Surrealists, they created work that’s timeless. Like I said, creativity has no boundaries and these people keep reminding us of that.
On the colour parade
The Colour Parade is an artistic statement that celebrates creativity, self-expression and freedom. It’s an opportunity to meet like-minded characters. We created the parade to show people that you don’t need money to have a good time. It’s a reminder that the human spirit is still very optimistic, even in this day and age. For four years now we have lit up Sydney’s streets with a cacophony of colour and music. The people who are part of the parade express themselves in whatever craziness they like. They bring music makers, hoops, glitter, streamers, flowers and signs they created themselves. Not to mention the incredible outfits. It’s just plain celebration.
On mission statements
The Colour Parade is not a political parade but the more “closed” our society becomes, the more “controversy” we create. The setting around us is so grey and confirmative that we want to inspire everybody to be whom they want to be. It’s about bringing together like-minded people so you can certainly expect to expand your circle of friends with all the activated, inspired, explosive and expressive individuals you will encounter.
On Sydney
The Colour Parade is about opening Sydney’s vision and to let its beautiful, open-minded people out on the streets to connect and make some noise. Sydney is very commercial and mundane and that automatically influences some artists to the extreme. The public always reacts different when they see the parade. Some people are confused, some are scared, but some get inspired and even join us. And why not, because at the end of the day, we are just a bunch of people walking down the streets expressing ourselves with colour and adornment.
On the future
Casio Ono and I are moving to Berlin. We went there for seven months last year and met some amazing people I’m excited to work with. I want to be able to travel and show my work around the world, perhaps even Japan. That place is like another planet! And who knows, at the end that might be the place where I belong.
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Text & artwork Betty Black
Betty Black started off as a name, just a made up name. An alter-ego that I created for myself in an attempt to perfect one distinctive style of work, rather than end up with a variety of mediocre crap, after having just coasted through a pointless Illustration degree back in 2008.
Only four short years ago on paper, but in reality all of the dimensional shifts and time travel that I’ve experienced since make it seem like another lifetime completely. I can vaguely remember some things. A full time job? My own studio apartment? My Independence? Yes, back then Betty Black was just a made up name. But then my life slowly descended into Hell. And I got to meet her in person. First of all I lost the job and then of course the apartment had to go. I was forced to move back home into the terrible purple bedroom of my teenage self-loathing and, not content with imprisoning me inside a vile indigo box, the fates apparently thought I needed to be taught a much greater lesson in humility, inflicting upon me an impressively revolting medical anomaly which involved a number of degrading surgeries and agonisingly dull stints in beige waiting rooms.
I could neither believe nor understand what was happening to my body and so I fled. I absconded deep into my delirious imagination and firmly locked the door behind me. All I wanted to do was hide behind my new name. I took comfort in sadistically drowning paper in the blackest of black ink, leaving minimal white space for the strange scenarios and characters that seemed to mysteriously well up inside of me. I read stacks of Japanese Ero-guru comics and erotic novels by Von- Sacher Masoch, Anais Nin and the Marquis de Sade to name but a few. I buried myself beneath tomes of folklore, mythology and black magic and I gorged my eyes upon the tangible darkness of Film Noir, Pulpy sexy 50’s B-movies and grotesque eastern horror films.
But try as I might there was something missing from my work, some kind of key transcendental factor was lacking. I couldn’t seem to expand my ideas fully. I was fenced in, blocked – but by what? What was holding me back? “It’s really not good enough to just start writing new initials on your pictures and think that that’s all there is to it, you know?” I heard my own voice whisper in my ear. “I’m afraid that it all goes much, much deeper than that.” My heart stopped and my eyes bulged. I reeled around in total shock only to come face to face with myself, my exact double. Only this version of me was sharply dressed in a black Chanel suit with her hair perfectly coiffed and lips the color of dried blood.
“You can’t just call yourself Betty Black. You have to understand how to be Betty Black.” She tried to smile at me but all she was capable of was an evil grin. “What’s wrong? Isn’t this how you pictured yourself as me?!” “You know it is…” I managed to gasp. She laughed. “Of course I do. I’ve been around for a lot longer than some silly nickname has! I am the darkest part of your heart and The Monster in your mind. I’ve always been here darling, and tonight I’m going to show you a few things to get you on the right track.”
She took me by the hand and pulled me straight into another state of being. She showed me things that I had only ever caught glimpses of in dreams – there was Lucifer’s harem, with its jet black Onyx walls and opulent lacquered torture devices. Giant women with planet sized heads made of marble skewered human souls with meter-long stiletto heels, while Opera music played softly in the background. We traveled to London in 1856 and stole inside the house of an infamous coven. We peered into violently chintzy rooms whilst witches that looked like porcelain dolls – coldly perfect with long, silken hair – fondly degraded initiates with blindfolds and birch whips upon layers of velvet, silk and lace.
She led me into a Japanese summer garden with sweet, overwhelming fragrances and flurries of peach blossom spiraling into the air. Courtesans of the Sun Emperor sat in giant peach halves, partially dressed in heavy, gorgeous Kimonos which were embroidered with intricate patterns and flowers. They made love to each other lazily, licking the dewy peach juice from each other’s golden skin in the dappled light. Then we spied on a rich American heiress in 1925 as she lounged by her pool wearing nothing but a mink coat and blowing rings of opium smoke at a staunch looking Butler. We giggled as she ordered two maids to simultaneously fellate him because “He looked as goddamn bored as she felt.”
Finally, after exhausting ourselves in the black forest with a bunch of insatiable, orgiastic tree nymphs she took me to a place called ‘The house at the end of the world’, a raunchy bar which transcended time and space and that I would be able to get back home from easily, or so she said. We ordered whiskey sours and watched an incredibly oily and voluptuous burlesque dancer twirl two silver octopuses from her breasts. “So even though you’ve really only had a tiny peep into the infinite void of creation tonight, do you see how important it was even just to visit?” She knocked back her drink and lit a cigarette. “It’s the boiling carnal soup of madness where all real ideas come from and you can’t really expect to create any kind of decent, honest art without coming here and seeing it for yourself.
You can’t just guess at this stuff. It’s like I said, you can’t just call yourself Betty Black, you have to be Betty Black and now you know how to get here, you know how to do that. “ “Thank you for showing me…” I began to gush. “I wouldn’t thank me until you look this good”, she interrupted, looking at my clothes with a mix of disgust and confusion. “You need to get a suit like this one, bitch.” And with that she vanished into thin air! I felt like a well of perfect knowledge and infinite vision. I had shed my dead skin and finally, truly become Betty Black in the flesh. A new force of creative will bubbled up inside of me like a freshly opened bottle of champagne and I was giddy with inspiration. But, although on some level I had achieved inner contentment, deep in the back of my mind – I was indeed still thinking about that bitches amazing Chanel suit.
www.bettyblackcomics.deviantart.com
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