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Meg Allen

Meg Allen

Meg Allen

Text JF. Pierets    Photos Meg Allen

 

In her series ‘Butch’, photographer Meg Allen shows a variety of women who fall under the category of more masculine than feminine. Over the years people have been given different names to lesbians, and being butch is yet another flavor of women. Another flavor of lesbian, which Allen captures in a very intense and fierce image. Her women are beautiful, strong and aren’t afraid to show their true colors. Honest, might be another way of putting it.

 

What’s in a name? 
Nothing really. The series was something I almost didn’t want to define. It isn’t a stereotypical thing and it isn’t just about short hair, or swagger, or a tomboy. For me butch means ‘on the masculine side’. That’s it really. Nothing more and nothing less. Just another categorization that can share definition with any other term within the umbrella of masculinity.  It’s what gender ends up being when you try to define it; an exaggerated version of itself. 

You like to let your pictures speak for themselves?
Exactly. I’m still exploring who I am as a photographer and an artist. This series is a chance to work within the queer community in a different way. And honestly, in the beginning it was just me, practicing my photography. Because I wanted to do portraits for professionals, I started asking my friends if they could sit for me. Yet the more people I photographed, the more I realized that I was capturing something I hadn’t seen before in art galleries or magazines. I put them up on my wall starting with 3 photographs, then 10, then 15. And all of a sudden I wanted to fill the whole room. Just to see what it felt like to look at a bunch of people who looked like me. Putting them together so concentrated, made me want to show the uniqueness of butch women in a way that glamorizes them in their natural habitat. The women aren’t mainstream yet their life could be anybody’s. 

Is gender a fashionable thing? 
I think people do wear gender like they wear fashion. For the most part everybody is somewhere in between both of those things. When you for example dress up for the opera or the ballet, you become this sophisticated, cultured, wealthy seeming thing. And that’s not just who you are, but it’s who you are in that moment. It’s so frivolous yet so important because people dress up every day. Some people say they don’t care but that’s also a statement. It’s part of their philosophy. I never wanted to wear dresses and that was a choice because I didn’t felt like I was a person who wears dresses. I was more adventurous. I felt handsome rather than pretty and strong versus coy. When you dress yourself, you’re making a statement. So I think it lies somewhere in there, constantly shifting and fluid. 

Is it a sign of the times? That gender is getting more fluid? 
Absolutely! I think it has been influenced by a lot of equality movements between the sexes and even between races. There is no hierarchy of human, where women are second rate to men. But ask anybody and they will give you their own definition of what it means to be male vs. female. Gender is such a complex thing. On one hand you have a description of your sex, your genitals, but attributes of masculine and feminine are something different. Gender becomes the more complicated version of whether you are man or woman. Americans have this exaggerated form of male and female. The men are hyper-masculine, rugged, handsome, strong and aren’t encouraged to cry. Yet in many parts of Europe, men are allowed to be who they are, rather than forced in a stereotype of what a man should be. I have a friend who is from Denmark and she was saying that they don’t have a word for butch, because gender isn’t strictly masculine males and feminine female. I thought that was both interesting and difficult to imagine. That there is no need to have this strict definition because gender actually isn’t polarized. I need to add that I’ve never been there, so I have to take her word for it. 

You take photographs of your friends. You have a lot of friends…
Well, it’s a big community here. I would say the first 30 people are definitely friends and people I’ve known over the years. Then when I had a show at the Lexington club in San Francisco, the series really sort of took off and a lot of people contacted me to be part of the project. There’s a big scene in San Francisco and the community here is huge. You really have to come over, it will blow your mind. 

How does it feel to be gay in San Francisco? 
Being gay in San Francisco hasn’t been a big deal since the 80’s, we’re super lucky to live in such a mecca. The straight people aren’t as phased by sexuality in San Francisco. People in San Francisco are more liberal about just about everything. As a country, we’re still behind on gay marriage but it’s going to the Supreme Court and they are about to make a ruling for it to be federally recognized across the US. So as far as the gay movement is concerned federally, things are changing quite a bit. That said, I feel very lucky to be born a gay person in a straight privileged world. I feel it gives us license to look differently at tradition and the way society wants you to be. It allows us to reinvent ourselves constantly, because there is no set path that we have to follow. Do we decide to marry? Do we duck the trends of fashion so we can feel more who we are and how we want to be seen in the world? I think most straight people don’t have that luxury. They are sort of guided along, ushered in to well-worn and accepted paths. Later on in life they might be disappointed because they didn’t realize there was so much more to choose from. Being gay pushes you out of certain traditions and suddenly reveals that the world is actually bigger than your own community’s traditions and is this crazy amazing place to explore. There are so many traditions that you can adopt from. So many other cultures and countries that can make you happy. When you are gay you are not just trudging along blindly, following the person in front of you, just because that’s what you’re supposed to do. You invent yourself by making your own choices. 

You’re still exploring who you are as a photographer. Is there a change you’re going to specialize in queer subjects? 
The fact that I’m gay and very alternative, gender wise will always influence my work. I won’t necessarily specialize in it but it will always be present in my work. I do love this theme though, and I love to make queer culture visible. One of the most amazing things people told me after seeing my ‘Butch’ series, was this straight guy who said he loved watching my pictures, because he never had the chance to really look. He always felt uncomfortable about staring at people who looked different and this gave him the opportunity to just stare and take it all in.  That’s what I love most about art. It has the capacity to take you on this journey and tell you a story about something you wouldn’t have seen otherwise. You’re able to loose yourself, as you’re looking at these other people, identifying with them and recognizing differences. There is this universal feeling of the human condition and that’s the part that I aim for; combining differences with familiarity, and making it not such a rigid rectilinear definition.

 

 

 

‘I feel very lucky to be born a gay person in a straight privileged world. I feel it gives us license to look differently at tradition and the way society wants you to be. It allows us to reinvent ourselves constantly, because there is no set path that we have to follow.’

You also consider it a time document.
A lot of people responded to these portraits, a lot of people felt seen and it’s a record in time about butch women feeling safe enough to do this. To let people look at them. There used to be a lot of violence against butch women, and the gay community in general, in the past and actually still to this day. Butches would get harassed a lot and therefor didn’t want any attention put on them. They didn’t want to be seen and just tried to blend into the world of masculinity and live their lives. The first people I asked to sit for me were really unsure but after they saw what I was doing, they could see that it was bigger than themselves. That I would make them feel comfortable and illuminate them in the proper light. I think it was the right time to make this series.

This project has gotten a lot of attention, what’s next? 
My next project is shooting portraits of transgender FTMs. Interesting thing is, that some people I’ve shot for ‘Butch’, also want to sit for this next one. I love that. It means they define themselves in multiple ways. Needless to say it’s going to be a completely different type of project and portraits, but I like the multiple identity factor. Definitions and stereotypes lose their power when you really try to nail it down so I aim to nuance my photographs. You can see that butch is not only about masculinity. It’s not because you are butch that you can’t be soft or fashionable.

I read somewhere that you want to make a book when you are at 117 portraits. What’s with the number?
I was very influenced by Annie Leibovitz as a young photographer. She did a lot of photographs for Vanity Fair and I love the way that is able to capture people. I admire that she could almost get into somebodies soul and bring it out in a picture. That’s an amazing thing to do. I think that’s also what I like about being a photographer. I’m not very good at bullshitting. Going to a bar and chitchatting just isn’t my thing. I’m not funny, so that doesn’t help either. Even on the first casual introduction I get right into it and ask people what their life is all about, what they love and what bothers them. Sometimes that’s awkward when you are meeting someone for the first time. A bit too intense maybe, but when you are photographing somebody and they are willing to open themselves up to that, you sort of get to go on this journey together and go deeper than any other random contact. You get intimate in this very artistic way. You’re both human and into this together. Leibovitz did that in her pictures and she’s been a huge influence to me. The fact that she was able to go in and really look at somebodies personality, bringing it out in a way that you have the feeling you know the person on the photograph. She has a book called ‘Women’ and I love the fact that she spent an entire book on just women. Her book is about all kinds of women; working-class, high profile, you name it. And…it contains 117 portraits.  

How important is it for you to make this book? 
Much more important than I thought it would be. Maybe I helped making a historical record of what the gay movement was doing around this time. I think that’s important to put in a book. To capture gay history in California about butch women at this time. 

 

www.megallenstudio.com

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The Vivid Angel

The Vivid Angel

The Vivid Angel

Text JF. Pierets

 

She’s the queen of alternative performance, won the Twisted Cabaret Crown World Burlesque Games in 2014 and is this edition’s cover model. But most important, sometimes you just meet one of those people who make you think YAY! 

 

How does one become a performer? 
When I was 20 I moved to Amsterdam and started my performance career. At a certain moment I’d done so many things, as a dancer and artist I had been on television for so many times that I wanted something different. I was working with Torture Garden and they asked me to come to London, because of all the work I would be able to do. So I went. I’m living here for 16 years already despite my intention to stay only for 2. Back then there used to be not as many performers as there are today. I’m talking about the year 2000 now. I guess we had about 10 or 15 really great performers. So I was always working, always abroad. Nowadays it looks as if there are way more people wanting to be an artist then 5 years ago. And as it usually goes, the party promoters rather fancy a lot of girls for less money than one or two very professional ones with a normal salary. But I’m not complaining. The year just started and I already have a good list of new assignments and bookings.

There’s a lot of burlesque these days, which is completely different than performance art. 
There is a lot of burlesque and a lot is the same all over again. I guess it gets the audience and promoter confused and they don’t quite recognize the stylings anymore which goes from performance art to cabaret to burlesque. For me those are all different kinds of shows. I do wish that those younger performers would do a little research. Looking what other people do, or have done, and trying to be a bit more original. Really find your own stories and styling for you shows, it gives for a longer career.

Can you specify what it is that you do? 
I call myself a ‘Jack of all trades’. I basically started out as a dancer in the beginning of the nineties, being a full time gogo dancer on Dutch television. When the rave scene commenced I danced at biggest house parties and finally ended up working in a fetish store called DeMask. 3 month later I found myself on a stage with my own show. A show performed in the fetish scene in which you can just ad that twitch of extra darkness to the act. Compared to a mainstream production, that is. In my first show someone laid dead on a bed, a second person would cut open the body and I would jump out as some kind of revenge spirit. For me it was a very important point in my career because I got to work with the artist called Crazy White Sean. We were both beginners when it came to performance art but we really felt each other when it came to designing new shows. 10 years later they called us ‘the most famous couple in the fetish scene’, he emerged into freak shows and I became The Vivid Angel. I’ve been performing at the largest festivals, in the biggest clubs. I worked with Alice Cooper, Dita Von Teese, Roger Taylor, you name it. I did and still do very exciting things. 

Do tell!
I have a show called Art Noir where I’m creating a painting, live on stage, by using syringes and injecting coloring pigment through my skin. This particular show has been reviewed as ‘suffering for your art’ and you can take that quite literally. I’m going through a pain phase to manufacture that painting. Most of the time those kind of shows are my favorite ones because they are not about entertainment. I generate this surreal world where I try to bring the audience in an atmosphere that’s out of their comfort zone. But no worries. I also have an entertaining side to my personality and I also love doing shows where I can make people laugh, where all is beautiful. 

That’s very bilateral.
That’s why I chose to use The Vivid Angel as my name. The vivid is my dark, weird, crazy side and the angel is the sweet, fun and sexy appearance. I always felt those two features both in my being, as in my performance career. 

Both mainstream and non-mainstream? 
There are not many non-mainstream performance artists. I have the feeling not many people dare to be confronting or extreme nowadays. I have this show about school bullying which you can, by all means, call autobiographical because those were terrible years. Doing that show really get’s to people. Some say after the show that they didn’t like it, while months later they confess that after doing some thinking, it really got to them. And I think that’s the difference between performance art and entertainment. What I do is not only beautiful and easy to digest. But I do hope the tendency will once again reach back to performance art because it’s an honest and very emotional art form. And if well represented, it’s one of the most beautiful things you can witness on a stage. I always find it very interesting to hear what people encounter after seeing my shows. I have my opinion about it and I’m always pretty sure the message is quite clear, yet that’s not always the case. When I was doing my Art Noir show it always astounded me what people made of it. One woman even told me it was about the circumcision of African women. And although I’m listening with amazement to these stories, they are ok. If she get’s that message and it get’s her to think about the phenomenon, that’s ok. As an artist you have to live with the fact that people project there own horrors, joys and everyday life issues to your work. That’s the beauty about being a performer, unconsciously you touch certain spots which you never would foresee. People don’t have to like you when you are on stage because it’s nice to encounter the challenge to get them excited and curious about the world and environment you are creating at that particular time. Whether it’s beautiful, ugly or scary. It keeps me humble and appreciative for every given moment that I can share my art, even after 20 years. 

20 years is a long time. Are you still performing fulltime? 
Not fulltime, no. Since long I’ve been writing a theatre play involving acting, video and word, which I love to exhibit in a small theatre or gallery. The piece itself is about the tide of life and the rolling about until that one moment where you just break through boundaries and limits. I’m also planning to write a book about my performances and myself. The crazy situations I’ve been in and the ludicrous moments I’ve encountered. But also hints and tips for people who have the ambition of being an artist. Next to that I’m working on a book about Crazy White Sean, whom I’ve been telling you about, and who sadly passed away recently. 

Aren’t you going to miss the stage? 
Well, I won’t quit entirely because like they say, ‘there’s no bigger addiction than a stage’. Over the 20 years on the podium I had busy and less busy times. And of course in those fewer active junctions you start longing to get back up there. I read a note the other day, stating that if an artist stops performing or painting, he or she commits emotional suicide. And that’s very true. The hunger to throw out your sentiment will always be there. Luckily I have more tools at my disposal than only being a stage performer. It’s time to project my energy into other creative outlets. Maybe I’ll take up painting again and combine it with performance, who knows. There are many ways to go and  there’s no lack of activity or inspiration in all those future plans. It’s time to note down some document. Time to take some further steps. I still like working in clubs but I became more selective when it comes to locations and people I want to work with. People who know me and respect my work. But I came into a phase in which I don’t necessarily have to be everywhere. I think I became way too experienced to drop into yet another small club where nothing is arranged and not one thing you asked for is at hand. That said, the stage keeps on being the best spot to exorcist my demons. 

Otherwise you might have been a serial killer. 
O goodness, who knows? But having a creative outlet, which you don’t respond to, eats you alive in the long run. That’s true. 

When I look at you I don’t see the average diva. 
And glad not to be! I might be a Queen, but I not a diva. Every time I go on stage, it feels like the first moment all over again. And to be honest, I don’t want to get used to it. I have artist friends who are ‘just going through the moves’, I would hate that! It makes you very humble when you have to promote your own shows to the venues. The show is just part of the whole package. You have to do your own bookings, write your own invoices, make the deals, etc. And sometimes that’s a pity because it stops you from being entirely, exclusively creative. Which sharpens the pink edges that would normally smoothen the transaction between you and your audience. But.. if you have the opportunity to be a full time artist, it’s a beautiful choice to make. 

 

 

‘Every time I go on stage, it feels like the first moment all over again. And to be honest, I don’t want to get used to it. I have artist friends who are ‘just going through the moves’, I would hate that! ’

Talking about choices, your performances have a lot to do with physical pain. Why does one do that? 
When I first began I never thought I was about to start using needles and syringes. I was more the horror-effect and illusion kinda gal. It was always fake. But when I came to London and got to work with Miss Behave and Lucy Fire we designed a witch show. We all had our own ‘powers’. Lucy was good with fire, Amy swallowed swords and I was into blood effects. But then the others decided to begin the show with putting out a cigar on your tongue. And although I didn’t want to do it, I was kind of pushed into it. After a while I thought it might be great to actually master those skills and I started practicing. Slowly I started to intervene little things into my own shows and that’s when I got the question to perform a freak show. In 2005 there was this movement where people were really interested in seeing freak shows performed by woman, and there weren’t many performers fitting the bill, so there you go. I think once you’re able to cross the boundaries of pain, you’re capable of doing a lot of things. Needless to say the first time I stuck a needle in my arm was pretty weird. I’m not a masochist at all and the ‘pain versus pleasure’ concept is wasted on me. But I realized I could take it, and all of a sudden it was more of a ‘mind over matter’ thing. As soon as I realized that my mind is stronger than my body and that my mind has control over my body, I was able to take it to the next level. I like it when people can see that I’m actually in pain in order to create my art. That said, I must be honest and confess that I sometimes terribly injure myself during one of the shows.

What does such a thing to your body? 
Well of course I have to be very careful with what I do. I never drink alcohol before a show because if you become less attentive or arrogant, you can really hurt yourself. But then again, some things are beyond your control. Fire for instance. You have quite little influence on fire, if you start to think about it. Fire does what it does and you have to learn to work around it. In my entire career I got terribly burned a couple of times. On my mouth, my arms, by just being that itch too quick or being a tad too negligent. Or people from the club that are leaving the airco on, well, you know what happens then. I also use a lot of piercings and staples on stage and like my boyfriend always says: ‘It doesn’t make her prettier’. Over the few years I gained so many scars that it’s quite a sight when I get a tan during summer. When people tell me they are interested in performing these kind of shows, I always ask them if they are ready to get marked. When you stick needles in your skin or you jump on broken glass, you always have to keep in mind that there will come a day when it goes wrong. Once I was unable to walk for 3 months because I cut my foot that deeply. Let’s say there’s a price to pay. 

You must have developed a different view on external beauty.
A few years ago I involuntarily got into a fight. They knocked me down and I hit my head on the street, there was a big jaw in my face and my front teeth were in pieces. I had a lot of photo shoots for catalogues going on in that time. And I remember waking up, scared that all was finished and things could never be restored. But of course it does. And what I learned is that beauty doesn’t come in a framework. It’s what you carry in your soul. If you manage to be happy with whom you are, if you have self-esteem, than that’s your most attractive feature. My outer shell doesn’t really matter to me. Let’s say I grew out of it. I don’t look like the average woman yet I find myself in the possession of an interesting face. People love it or hate it and therefor beauty is not something that I dwell on. What I love to hear from people is that I have charisma when on stage. And that’s the main thing as a performer, isn’t it? Don’t get me wrong, I always want to look good and want to make a good impression, but I know I will never be your typical Burlesque beauty.

Are you happy?
I really am. I lost a lot of beautiful friends in the past two years, which made it a very emotional ride, and I experienced a pretty rough childhood. But I use that sentiment in my art. I try to develop all those bumpy roads and negativity into a story that I hope people can use for the good. But like I said, I made some changes recently and I would like to cut down to one show a week instead of three, and take more time to write my play and my book. Discovering new horizons and looking for people who want to join me in this new adventure. 

Exciting times!
O yes! And I’m scared shitless! But if I have to choose one thing I really would like to accomplish, then it’s that theatre play. Last year I was able to work with the English National Opera House on Mozart’s Cosi Fan Tutte and that made me really proud. It was literally a dream come true to stand in the West End. Every time I went up those tube escalators I faced all these production posters of those big shows and I always thought ‘one day!’ I was so proud to work with such a solid firm and with all those award-winning professionals. And the Coliseum theatre is so beautiful that I started to cry when I first entered the stage. It is very different you know, performance art and theatre. And I hope I learned enough to make my own interpretation. It’s scary, but it’s something I really have to go for, how nerve wrecking it might be. So ’Put your head down and get to it girl!

 

www.thevividangel.biz

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Amanda Filipacchi

Amanda Filipacchi

Amanda Filipacchi

Text JF. Pierets

 

I was 20 when I read Nude Men and I instantly got hooked on the surreal imagination of this New York based writer. 21 years and 3 novels later there is The Unfortunate Importance of Beauty, and Filipacchi hasn’t lost an inch of her wit and dreamlike tale telling. On the contrary, her latest novel is a genuine work of originality and creativity. Needless to say I was thrilled to talk to her. A conversation about beauty, feminism and our shared fascination in the dictionary method.

 

Your readers are forced to be patient. It’s been 10 years between Love Creeps and your new book The Unfortunate Importance Of Beauty. Why did it take you so long?
It’s indeed a long time, but first of all, I take a long time with all my novels. Much longer than I would like to. Each time, I think it’s going to be faster next time, but then, well, it isn’t. Also, each novel is longer than the last. Not the finished product, but my first drafts, which this time around was almost twice as long as the final version. It’s like writing two novels. And the third thing is that I had some health problems I had to deal with. Life problems that got in the way.

The Unfortunate Importance Of Beauty wasn’t supposed to be a book about beauty?
I noticed a pattern in my life; things I wrote about, things that were completely invented, would sometimes come true. So I thought (but only half-seriously) that I’d better be careful and maybe only write about good things, in case they happen later. Turns out, I didn’t stick to that for long, luckily for the reader. In the beginning I thought it was going to be a book about a group of artistic friends. I intended to give each character a story of equal weight. But as I was creating my characters, there was one detail, one characteristic, I bestowed on my main character just for the fun of it: great beauty. I half-jokingly thought, “You never know, it might rub off on me a little.” Her great beauty was meant to be a small, unimportant detail, and I didn’t expect it to grow into one of the main themes of the novel. But it did. It wasn’t something I planned because in general I’m really not that interested in how people look.

“Maybe if I’m lucky it will rub off”. How important is beauty to you?  
I meant that in a joking way because beauty is not that important to me. At all! And that’s one thing I find a little disturbing about some of the interviews and articles that have been published about me. Due to the fact that my novel is about beauty, that’s naturally the main thing I’m asked about in interviews. And when I read those interviews later, I feel that I come off as being really preoccupied by beauty, when the truth is actually the opposite. If you compare me to anyone you know, really anyone, you will notice that I seem to care less about how I look than almost anyone. I dress like a dork, I never shop for clothes, I wear sweatpants all the time and I haven’t worn make-up in two decades. But some of the readers of the media coverage have sent me e-mails saying things like, “You look fine! You’re quite pretty! So stop worrying about it, ok?!”  It’s very nice of them, but I wish they realized that I probably give less thought to my appearance than they do to theirs. 

Hearing you describe the way you look almost sounds like a statement.
It’s more laziness. I used to wear makeup in my 20’s and I couldn’t understand how a woman could not wear make-up because I thought women looked so much better with it. But then suddenly I had to start wearing glasses. And I thought; what’s the point? Glasses ruin the whole effect anyway. So at that point I stopped wearing makeup and that’s basically it. It wasn’t a statement. It was more like a giving up. And eventually my taste changed and I started thinking women looked better without makeup anyway. Despite not caring much about my own appearance, I am interested in the role beauty plays in our society and in human relationships—the unfortunate importance it has in those areas. But there are also plenty of other topics I’m interested in. In fact, there are topics in this book that I’m more interested in than the beauty aspect. For example the whole creativity topic. Trying to achieve excellence in your art, the feeling that you’re almost reaching something supernatural. I love that idea.

What do you do when you don’t write?
Usually I’m trying to get myself to write. I have trouble with discipline so I’m always trying to think of new ways to trick myself into doing more writing. But if you’re asking about other activities, then I must say that I love to ski, so usually in the winter we go skiing. I like to travel, I love interesting conversations with people. I take long walks every day while listening to audiobooks or just thinking about how to get myself to write more. Sometimes I do my daily walk with a friend and we catch up on each other’s lives. That’s about it.

You are using all different kinds of methods to get yourself to write. Do you start your imagination by putting limits on yourself?
I don’t know if it can be called a limit. It’s rather something that forces you to think in a different direction. When I wrote Love Creeps, I became really addicted to what I call “the dictionary method.” I was using it constantly. For every new twist in the story I got inspiration from random words in the dictionary. I actually became worried and was wondering if I was ever going to be able to write without using this dictionary method. So I decided not to allow myself to use it for my next novel. Just to see how it turned out. For The Unfortunate Importance Of Beauty, I didn’t use it once, and to my relief that was ok. I was less an addict than I thought I was. Even though I think my strong point as a writer is my imagination, I did notice that when I used the dictionary method, it seems to trigger new and sometimes even more unusual ideas. Even when I thought I had come up with every possible option for a certain scene, really gone over every possibility, still when I picked a word randomly out of the dictionary it generated new and interesting ideas I’m convinced I wouldn’t have thought of without that method. 

You also had a method where you were only eating when writing?
Well, I used that method for only about a minute and then I gave it up, so it didn’t work out very well.

Does life influence your writing?
I think it does. When I wrote Love Creeps, I’d gone through some pretty bad relationships and hadn’t been very lucky in love, so I put all of that in the book. Not the specific experiences, because I almost never write anything autobiographical, but all my pessimism about love went into the book.

 

Why not write autobiographically? Is it too personal or are you afraid to jinx your life?
I think I don’t find it interesting enough. My recent New Yorker essay, ‘The Looks You’re Born With and the Looks You’re Given’, is the first really autobiographical thing I have ever written. I must say that I have discovered that it’s so much easier and faster to write nonfiction (or autobiographical fiction) because most of the material is already there and doesn’t need to be invented. But I think I will always prefer to make things up in my fiction because I enjoy inventing, creating something entirely new, from scratch, that did not already exist in some form in my life. I like startling myself by coming up with ideas I find original.

 

 

 

‘There are topics in this book that I’m more interested in than the beauty aspect. For example the whole creativity topic. Trying to achieve excellence in your art, the feeling that you’re almost reaching something supernatural.’

What’s your experience regarding being a woman in literature?
I don’t know if this is true, but I’ve heard it said by someone in the literary world that publishers are far less willing to publish long novels by women than long novels by men. Do you know the organization VIDA: Women in Literary Arts? Every year they count the numbers of men vs. women whose books were reviewed in various publications. The numbers are very depressing. Far more men get reviewed than women, and “the count” helps to bring attention to this unfairness which is based on sexism and subconscious gender-bias. It’s important that men and women get reviewed with equal frequency because when women don’t get reviewed as often or as prominently as men, it creates a whole chain reaction that results in far fewer women than men going down in history and being remembered for achievements that are actually of equal worth to men’s.
I recently read Siri Hustvedt’s novel, The Blazing World, in which she describes the Goldberg Study, which was a real study done in 1968: “Women students evaluated an identical essay more poorly when a female name was attached to it than when a male name was attached.” The same results were found when the study was repeated in 1983. When a female book reviewer compiles and publishes her list of her 10 favorite books of the year, and 9 out of 10 of the books on that list happen to be written by men, I hope she asks herself whether she might not be experiencing some degree of subconscious prejudice against female authors. (And this, of course, applies equally to male reviewers.)
We are all very sexist toward women, even those of us who think we’re not. We can’t help it, because we’ve been conditioned from our earliest days. I consider myself a feminist, and yet I see sexism in myself often. Sexism probably can’t ever be completely eradicated, due to biological factors such as differences in physical strength and temperament, but it can be lessened, starting, for example, with paying attention to what kinds of messages we send out in children’s books. Both men and women are prejudiced against women. And it’s essential that we fight it, not only in others but in ourselves.

So you’re a feminist?
Oh yes!

Have you ever done anything to help the feminist cause?
A little bit. Do you know about the Wikipedia thing I was involved in?

No, I guess I missed that.
In April 2013 I wrote an Op-Ed for The New York Times because I noticed that on Wikipedia, female novelists were being taken out of the category called ‘American Novelists’, and being put in a sub-category called ‘American Women Novelists’. So only the men were being left in the general category. I was really shocked, and felt this was a truly unacceptable situation that should not be tolerated for one second longer. So I decided to write about it even though I knew I’d be putting myself at risk. My Op-Ed, called ‘Wikipedia’s Sexism Toward Female Novelists’, caused a huge uproar. Wikipedia came under a lot of criticism, and not just from the U.S. media, but from media in other countries too. As a result, I experienced what is known as “revenge editing”: hostile Wikipedia editors pounced on the Wikipedia biography about me and started diminishing it and taking information out of it, until they were stopped by Wikipedia administrators. Thankfully, the page was not only restored but then also much improved by non-hostile Wikipedia editors. The most vicious of the attackers didn’t stop at ‘revenge editing’—he also spread horrific lies about me, until he was unmasked in the media and his lies were exposed. The whole experience was incredibly stressful and upsetting. That’s the kind of thing that can happen when you speak up against sexism.
This Wikipedia debacle drew more attention to the fact that female artists and writers have been neglected not only in the art and literary worlds, but also on Wikipedia. On average, the Wikipedia biographies of female artists and writers are less developed than those of their male counterparts, and also, a female artist or writer is less likely to have a Wikipedia biography than is a male artist/writer of equal accomplishment and notability. Several of the articles written about my Op-Ed stated that it increased awareness of the problem of sexism on Wikipedia. People started doing Edit-a-thons, which consist of a lot of women (and men who support them) getting together in various places, sitting with their laptops and editing Wikipedia together, improving the entries on women. One such edit-a-thon happened at The Museum of Modern Art recently. I stopped by to check it out and found it uplifting. Another little thing I do as a feminist is sometimes tweet about VIDA. I try to support and encourage them.

A lot of people are afraid of getting their careers damaged when they speak up.
Even though I believe that most female writers consider themselves feminists, they often feel they have to be careful about speaking up publicly because if they speak up too much, it can turn against them. And they are probably right, sadly. I know many successful female writers who are feminists and they privately rant and rave about the depressing VIDA numbers and other injustices such as the sexism on Wikipedia, and yet they don’t want to speak up or write about it publicly because they don’t want to be seen as complaining. They are afraid of the repercussions on their careers. I am not immune to those fears. I have spoken up a bit, now and then, but I too have my limits. I don’t say as much as I would like to, for fear of the repercussions. And I greatly admire female authors who do speak up more than I have, who do complain, because they are putting themselves and their careers at risk while helping all female authors.

Do you find it important what people think of you?
Yes, I care about what people think of me and of my work. I assume most writers do. I love it when people like my work, but then again, what writer doesn’t? I’m not one of those writers who can say they’ve always written, from their earliest days. I never had an urge to write stories until I was forced to do so at the age of 13.  In school there was a class in which you had to write one short story every week. That’s when I discovered I had this talent, that I was better at this than at anything else I had done in my life—at least based on the reactions of teachers in school and of other adults who read my work. Their reactions gave me such a high, that’s when I decided to become a writer. Before that, starting at the age of eight, I loved reading novels and I greatly admired anyone who could write a whole novel because I thought that must be the most difficult thing in the world. I never thought I could, or would, do it myself, nor did I have any urge to even try. But nevertheless I was very imaginative. I made up a lot of stories for my brother. I just never wrote them down.

What’s your number one reason to write?
To be happy. Many things about it make me happy. When I come up with ideas I really like, I find that very exciting. And part of what makes it exciting is imagining how people will react to them, whether they will like them or not. I don’t write fiction only for myself. And if anyone claims that they are only writing for themselves, I suspect they are probably deluding themselves. So I’m writing to be happy. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and a sense of satisfaction, unmatched by anything else. And it makes me feel appreciated. I like the idea that people will enjoy my work and I always hope that I bring people pleasure.

The Unfortunate Importance Of Beauty is published by W. W. Norton & Company (February 16, 2015).

www.amandafilipacchi.com

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Kanithea Powell

Kanithea Powell

Kanithea Powell

Text JF. Pierets    Photos Beverli Alford

 

‘Well, these aren’t your typical flannel, mullet, boot wearing butches. This new art book pushes the Butch-definition beyond its seams. Packed with fashion forward pictures that are vivid, dramatic and provocative. These gender- bending bois will make your heart skip a beat. It is a feast for the eyes and the coffee table. You will fall in love and never again judge a butch by her cover.’ Kanithea Powell, Author.

 

Tell me about that gorgeous book of yours!
I wanted to do something that would get people talking about people like me. Sometimes I wear lipstick and make-up and I’m not as masculine as some women would like me to be. But I am who I am and I’m tired of people saying that I’m not butch enough, I’m not this or that enough. So I decided to create something that shows people that it’s ok to be exactly the way you are. Whatever that is. To get out of that box because I’m so tired of boxes. 

You have a problem with the typical butch identity. 
What’s typical? I wouldn’t say I have a problem with it. I would say that people love to put others in boxes. Whether it’s about the color of your skin or your sexual preferences. And if you don’t fit inside that little box, they get very uncomfortable and they don’t know what to do. This book forces you to remove the blinders and see how things have changed.

Isn’t the word ‘Butch’ also a box? 
When you look at the book, it pushes what that definition means. This book is a popped collar, high fashion buffet of beautiful women who redefine the term. It gets you to rethink the word as a whole.

How did people react?
The reactions have been great. We are in over 16 countries right now. One person who bought the book actually slept with it for four days. It’s been very well received and we’ve been up for a few awards so that’s pretty awesome. People have embraced the work and I’m grateful for that. 

And where did you find your models? 
A lot of them I worked with in the past. I do a lot of filming for professional photographers and for fashion shows. I was at my friend’s apartment one saturday and we got on the phone and called the models we knew and got them down to DC to film. Let me tell you: it has been great! It’s good to know beautiful people. 

You started Qwest Films? It’s television, movies, books,..  You don’t want to stick to one thing. I’m an artist and I don’t like being confined. Whatever I feel I want to create, I create. Whether it’s a show, a film, a book or a theatrical play. Whatever I feel inspired to do, I just do it. I created the company to be able to do all these sorts of things. It’s important to be open. When you think about a major player like a Sony or a Paramount, or what have you. They’re in every single bit of entertainment business. They’re in distribution, publishing, TV, they’re in everything. So… I like to think of myself as a big company. 

 

‘definition of butch: adj; Exhibiting stereotypically or exaggeratedly masculine traits or appearance….’

And why do you want to do these things? Do you have a mission statement to change the world? Make things different? 
I would like to show the world that we are more alike then we are different. We’re all the same. We’re all just humans being. Whether you are gay, straight, bi, whatever that is, we all love, we all hurt, we all get angry and feel pain. So, I want people to see our humanity versus just passing judgment.

How do you succeed in showing that without the ‘boxing’ that we talked about? 
If you look at any of my films or the current work that I’m doing right now, it’s all about life experiences and how we handle/deal with them. Stripping away the stereotypes.  Tearing down the walls of homophobia and all that crazy stuff that’s going on out there. I just want to do my part.

Do you have the feeling you can make some change?
Of course! I have a lot of straight people buying my books and films. That tells me that there is a desire to learn and understand who we are. And with those small moves we can open eyes and get people to become more accepting of people who are not like them.

Your new film is completely different? Tell me all about it.
It’s about a woman who sees too much, and has to play a deadly game of survival against a backdrop of greed and revenge. There is a beautiful lesbian couple in the film. I love it! Everybody in the film is acting out of desperation. It’s amazing to see how far a person will go and the things they will do when they’re desperate. Those moments speak to your character. It’s an item that’s quite right now in America. How they deal with immigrants and all that jazz. I thought it would be kind of interesting to shed a little light on it.

Is it also an experienced story? 
I know quite a few people who deal with the topic and hearing their stories inspired me to write the screenplay. Hopefully we can pull off an authentic film that people can relate to.

You don’t stay into the LGBT interest field?
No, I do what inspires me, whatever that is. I’m eclectic and I enjoy being open to ideas.  As long as it tells an authentic story I’m in!

What do you want to accomplish, as a person?
I would love to own a television network station where I can put out 24 hours of entertainment, and I can pick and choose what ever I like. I think that would be my ultimate goal. I’m working on a television show right now and hopefully that will give me another leg into that dream. Fingers crossed!

 

www.qwestfilms.com

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Rolla Selbak

Rolla Selbak

Rolla Selbak

Text JF. Pierets    Photos Rolla Selbak

 

Up till now she has made 2 feature films, a bunch of short films, a music video and 2 seasons of ‘Kiss her I’m famous’. The Spreecast ‘Grrls guide to filmmaking’ in which she interviews female movie directors, turned into a docu series and she’s currently writing a TV-piece. I guess we may call ourselves quite lucky that she found the time to talk to us, but most of all she left us highly inspired after our conversation about independency, feminism and religion. 

 

Why is it important to be an independent filmmaker? 
It’s very important to me because that’s mostly the only way a lot of people can work right now. I have a very independent spirit and the thought of actually being merged into the Hollywood system makes me cringe. The thing I hate about it is the fact that you give up all control and that someone else is telling you what to do. It makes good sense though, because essentially it’s someone else’s money so they want a minimum risk. Yet it really stifles creativity. Obviously it would be ideal to have your work in the television- or in Hollywood system without having to compromise, since a lot more people would be able to see your work. 

So the internet is sufficient at the moment? 
At this point, this is where my heart is. I think for filmmakers not to put their work online, if they’re independent like me, doesn’t make any sense. How is the audience going to know you? Who are you, where are you? You can’t just do only film festivals anymore and the internet is the most beautiful tool in the world. You can play. Everyone can see your work and hear your voice, I think it’s the best way to experiment. So before you send that script to Hollywood, to the show networks, it’s a great way for you to understand what your audience likes and doesn’t like. You can see which episodes have the highest rating, you see the comments, you see what people enjoyed. It’s fascinating. It’s a beautiful laboratory, one huge experiment.

You also have a Spreecast where you interview female filmmakers? 
Yes, live stream interviews where the audience can log in and chat, ask questions. I did that on a monthly basis and I now turned that into a docu series, which you can currently see on-line. It’s me, going to the filmmakers’ homes, having a very casual chat with them in the space where they create. I thought that was a more intimate way to actually get to know the filmmaker. It was very important for me to showcase and celebrate female filmmakers, to counteract the voices that say that there are no female filmmakers or that there’s only a small percentage because females don’t like filmmaking. Or are not interested. They keep on making excuses on why the numbers are so low. This series is meant to inspire others, showing aspirant filmmakers that if she can do it, you can do it. 

A happy feminist.
Feminist? Me? Nooo! Haha. I’m a very proud feminist card holder and I think any woman or man who is for the progress and equality of women in the world, is a feminist. Whether they like it or not!

Talking about feminism, a lot of your work handles the subjects of arrange marriage, homosexuality, Muslim-American subcultures. You’re quite a committed woman. 
That is one way to say it, certainly. I try to tackle all those subjects in my films. Sometimes that’s a little ambitious, but I try to do it in a very nuanced way instead of being exploitative. I really did want to cover as much as I could when it comes to a female experience in the Muslim-American subculture. That does include the idea of arranged marriage – because that definitely still happens – and the idea of being closeted in that community. You’d be surprised to hear how many people actually connect with that story line. And then the other story line has to do with abuse, which lots of women go through. I wouldn’t say that that’s unique to the Muslim subculture but I’m certain that happens internationally. It was important for me to touch upon all those subjects. 

These are also very personal subjects? 
I grew up Muslim, so it’s indeed very personal. My family is Palestinian and I grew up in Abu Dhabi. We moved to the US but I definitely have that perspective as someone who is from the Muslim-American subculture. It’s just something that I feel wasn’t being presented in cinema, in film, in media. I basically made a film that I myself would have loved to see when I was younger. I felt like there was nothing out there that I could connect with. That understood my experience, that made me feel like I counted.

 

‘It was very important for me to showcase and celebrate female filmmakers, to counteract the voices that say that there are no female filmmakers or that there’s only a small percentage because females don’t like filmmaking. Or are not interested.’

How did you grow up? 
To be honest, it was very lonely. Even when I was always surrounded by family, which is very common in the Middle Eastern culture. Everything is always everyone’s business and privacy is not a privilege you get. Certainly not when you are living in your parent’s house, parents who loved me, by the way. A Big Fat Greek Wedding kind of family, caring and loving. But when you’re growing up as a woman, trying to find your place, your ideas, and you’re trying to see where you fit in all of this, it can end up being isolated and lonely.

So what did you do at that age? Being without any role models? 
I lost myself in movies. That was my escape. I have a computer science background and the best part about being a geek was that I could build my own computer, put my own dvd drive in it so I could rent movies and watch them in my room. Where no one would know. Specifically the lesbian side of me loved Angelina Jolie movies like ‘Gia’ and ‘Girl Interrupted’. Also the movie ‘Fire’ (one of the first mainstream films in India to explicitly show homosexual relations. Ref.) was a big deal to me. So basically I got lost in movies. Which made me feel like I wasn’t alone. Because of that I thought film was the perfect way to tell such stories so other people wouldn’t feel alone. 

But at one point you did come out of the closet.
Yes, and it was a nightmare. I got kicked out of the house after my parents first completely ignored my existence and then send me to a psychologist. When that didn’t work, they wanted me to undergo an eradication of my supposed hormone imbalance. I’m telling you this in a nutshell, yet the humiliation was unbearable. 

Nevertheless you are calling your mother the bravest woman you know. 
At one point she got diagnosed with heart failure and had only a few years to live. Since then she really turned around and decided that she wanted to open her heart and mind. Can you imagine that you come from a culture that keeps indoctrinating you, saying ‘gay is evil!’ Where they keep telling you that having a gay child is even worse than having a dead child. When you have that kind of legacy in your mind and culture since you where a baby, you have to overcome a lot to open up. I always say my mother is the bravest woman because I know she had to almost stretch both her heart ànd mind. It really took a lot from her to do that. But I flew her out to San Francisco where I was living at the time and she even met my partner. We had a great time. She passed away shortly after that. It ended in the most beautiful note and she is my hero. It was very important that we went through that. 

What did that kind of indoctrination do to you? 
I would say that the number one thing I suffered from was me, hating myself. Not even other people hating me. I was torturing myself essentially. I’d go to school and pretend everything was fine and then I’d go home and would literally be hitting myself. Slapping myself in my room. I just wanted it to go away. I hated myself so much. I tried by reading the Koran, try to slap the gay away. But of course it didn’t work. In the end you just have to get into it. Saying; ‘this is who I am. What can I do? I can’t do anything about it except be myself and be honest, that’s all’.

Are you still religious?
I used to be very religious. It was a part of me and I would pray every day. But now? No. I’m not religious at all, I’m agnostic. I believe all religions have beauty in them whether or not god exists the way we want him or her to exist. The only thing I know is that we don’t know anything. I think anyone who claims that they know something is bullshitting, because they don’t. Yet I do love the sentiments that religions have about how we should treat each other, how we should go through life. And I acknowledge that religion is sometimes necessary for some people to keep going. Without religion some people are lost, have no clue about why they are here or what we are doing. But the truth is that no one has a clue. We try to explain it in a way that makes us feel better and that makes us feel sane. Having sanity and the knowledge that it’s all going somewhere. Especially regarding an afterlife. No one knows!! How is someone ever going to know? All those basic questions asking; ‘does this all matter’, ‘what was it all for’, ‘why was I here’,..  It began and it ended. So the idea or notion of an afterlife is essentially saying ‘we matter’. Our lives matter. Well, if so; hurray! Great! But if not, whatever. Religion was essentially a worldwide way of law and civility. Don’t steal, don’t kill, don’t do this and don’t do that, be humble, share your money. But do you really need a book to tell you all this? And if the only reason you’re behaving like that is for you to be able to selfishly go to paradise, then we’re kind of screwed don’t you think?

 

www.rollaselbak.com

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