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Rhyannon Styles

Rhyannon Styles

Rhyannon Styles

Text JF. Pierets    Photos Maxime Imbert

 

There’s a new transgender voice on the mainstream platform; Rhyannon Styles is a performance artist now writing a column for Elle UK. A column in which she reflects on the gender transition she began from male to female in 2012. A conversation about transformation, balance and living today instead of tomorrow.

 

First of all: congratulations with your Elle assignment. How did that happen? 
Elle approached a PR lady whom I know and they asked her if she knew anyone who was currently in transition. She recommended me. After several email exchanges with Elle, and me giving them some examples of my writing, they decided they wanted me to be their transgender columnist.  

Why did you say yes? 
I decided to pursue this opportunity because I think this is a really amazing platform and it’s a wide read magazine. Having somebody who is transgender writing about his or her experiences is really important in such a mainstream environment. I’ve had had lots of good encouragements and letters of support as a result of the first two columns and I hope that continues. 

What would you like to achieve with that column?
I’m now a part of the trans visibility in the media, which has grown a great deal in 2015. In a few years we probably stop talking about it and it won’t be such a big issue anymore, but right now it’s a central topic. By being an Elle columnist it will always be a reference to people who are feeling the same as I’ve been feeling. I hope that will be helpful. 

Next to being a writer you’re also a performance artist?
The reason why I’m a performance artist is because I really enjoy performing. There’s an essence of being extremely confident when I’m on stage and it feels natural to be in front of an audience. But I also enjoy writing. It’s new to me, and interesting because it sort of landed in my lap. It’s an opportunity that I don’t want to miss and I find it really important to be able to do different things in my life. This assignment is such a unique opportunity that I’d be foolish to turn it down. 

How does one become a performance artist? 
When I was younger I always knew that in some way, shape or form I liked being in front of a camera or on stage. Nevertheless it took me a long time to find the mode. When I was a teenager I joined bands playing rock music and it just progressed. After I finished university I got heavily into nightclubbing and expressing myself in terms of the looks I was creating. I designed these extreme characters, which lent itself really easily to being onstage, so it grew from there. It’s really interesting to create a fantasy persona and bring that to life. 

You call yourself a transitioning performance artist. Why is that an important word to add to the description? 
I’m born male and I’m moving towards something that could be labeled not male, and that’s a process. A process that enables me to draw on lots of experience to put into my work. In a sense everyone is transitioning, since we’re all growing and changing on an hourly basis, based on our experiences in life. We’re shaped by our reality and regardless or not whether you’re in transition, which I am as a transgender person, you still should be moving onwards with your work. So that’s why I say I’m a transitioning artist, because I’m doing a lot of transitions all the time. 

You know what the difference is between being a male or a female performer. Do tell! 
That’s true; I’ve had the unique opportunity to be living as male, and everything that entails, and as female. When I was performing as a male, I was more of a female impersonator and was creating characters that were more androgynous or a-sexual. Performing as a female felt I had to find that form on stage. It’s hard to articulate because I don’t know the answer, but there is definitely a difference. Nevertheless I enjoyed being on stage as a man, and I definitely enjoy being on stage as woman. But as to what people think that I am; it’s their thoughts, not mine. 

Do you care? 
Sometimes I do, if I’m having a bad day or when I’m feeling sensitive. But it stays somebody else’s opinion and it shouldn’t really be affecting your experience. If you let everyone’s thoughts about yourself worry you, you would never get anywhere. Especially when you are writing or performing because you are in a way opening yourself up for critique. And people will critique you, that’s part of life. You just have to be ok with it and let go, otherwise it can be demoralizing. 

Do you feel your life is balanced? Being creative and being in transition at the same time?
I have a lot of great stuff in my life that keeps me balanced. I guess from an outsiders point of view you think it’s heavy, but the everyday reality is one that’s quite comfortable. I’m able to except who I am and what I am. The confidence that I have is visible to other people so I don’t get many negative reactions. I haven’t always been surrounded by accepting people though; there was a time when my family wasn’t able to communicate with me because they were trying to adjust to the transition. And there were times when I felt very alone. But right now I have my family behind me, I’m having a fantastic relationship with a man who is very comfortable with who and where I am in my life and I have security in my job. Those are all things that help you stay balanced.

 

 

‘I decided to pursue the opportunity to write a column for Elle UK. Having somebody who is transgender writing about his or her experiences is really important in such a mainstream environment.’

This might be a weird question, but are you this creative because of the transition or would you be the same otherwise? 
I’d like to think I am. My creativity hasn’t changed because I’ve transitioned. If anything I think my creativity, my feeling that I need to comment on certain stuff has just exploded because of the transitioning. I’m coming to a place of trying to understand myself a bit more and allowing myself to be me. This way I can open other channels that were possibly quite closed in terms of my artistic endeavors. 

Do you have the feeling you have to start all over again? 
I do. But I think it depends on how you want to transition. When I was 30, I had to start all over again. I needed to create a new identity and because I already had a strong identity as being a male performer, it has taken me 3 years for that to change. But it’s exciting to create a new identity. You can change the narrative. I think that’s what some people can find difficult coming to terms with, especially your family. They have this idea that you’re born as a son and you are called Ryan and you will always be Ryan till you die. But then you turn around and say; “No, I’m not Ryan. I’m Rhyannon, and this is how I’m going to live my life”.  I guess that’s quite hard for people to come to terms with. 

Would you trade if it were possible? 
That’s a difficult question. Part of me want’s to say yes, but part of me wants to say no. Living as a boy for 30 years has been really valuable although there were both happy and sad times, which there are in everyone’s experience of life. But no, I wouldn’t change my life. I’m happy with living as a male and to some extent female, not much people have that opportunity. 

Do you need to have gender reassignment surgery, apposed to living your life as a woman in a male body? 
I grew up relating more to females and couldn’t really understand why I wasn’t able to do what my girlfriends did. I didn’t like that separation but I can understand the point of view you’re sketching. There are certain things in life I still can’t do because I have male genitals and that is annoying, but at the same time I still don’t know whether or not gender reassignment surgery is the right option for me. But I still have time to think about that. The possibility is very exciting but I don’t know how it will be in reality. It’s a strong commitment, and you have to be very sure about what you want to do. 

How can you be sure about something like that? Is it a feeling? 
I wouldn’t say I’m 100% sure, no. I’m more inclined to having gender reassignment surgery than not, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll definitely go ahead with it. Fortunately I don’t have to make that decision today so I’m not going to worry about that just yet. Marsha P. Johnson, a black trans woman and gay liberation activist from New York, once stated: “Nobody promised you tomorrow”. All I have is today and today everything is comfortable. 

 

www.rhyannonstyles.com

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Et Alors? magazine. A global celebration of diversity.

Zu Browka

Zu Browka

Zu Browka

Text JF. Pierets

 

Je suis une femme fatale
Je suis une animal
Je suis une cathedrale
Je suis asocial
Je suis terminale

Je suis ZU!

 

Flashback to August 1987. The soon to be legendary club RoXY opened his doors and with house music on the up, things where destined to take a radical change. It’s reputation as a collective, creative stage of self-expression crossed beyond Holland’s borders and the club became famous for it’s excessive shows, it’s insane decorations and daring performances. In 1999, the Amsterdam based cradle of avant-garde meets extravaganza, burned down. Many who experienced the heydays of those unlimited possibilities and libertarian lifestyle talk about RoXY with great nostalgia. ‘We were one big family’ and ‘nobody was a star, we were all the same’ is most often heard. Yet there is always one voice saying ‘yeah right, but I was the biggest star!’. 

We meet Zu Browka in Amsterdam in the second hand clothing shop where she works nowadays. Tall, impressive, blond and very sweet; a true bombshell. Born in a small village in Belgium, Zu discovered who she wanted to be at the age of 12: ‘I saw Amanda Lear perform ‘Follow Me’ on television and it was like everything fell into place. I thought: OK! Now I understand who I am! I’m Amanda Lear! So I followed Amanda’s example and became a very beautiful blond model myself’. 

Zu first started performing in Berlin at ‘Dollywood’, former ‘Chez Romy Haag’: ‘I started my career as a showgirl, a performer in that cabaret. The place was always filled with celebrities and since Romy was a friend of David Bowie, he also became one of my biggest fans’. Haag, another eccentric underground queen, was one of the biggest names in Berlin’s underground scene. She opened her own kitsch, trashy nightclub, which was frequently visited by artists like Bette Midler, David Bowie, Freddy Mercury and Mick Jagger. 

By that time Zu wanted to start her transition: ‘I almost never talk about my operation because in my opinion I’m a woman. I don’t like the word transgender because that’s too much of a box. There is too much moaning on the subject matter’. Her uncle Herman, who was a doctor, provided her with hormones yet Zu got send from one hospital to another: ‘In that time it was very difficult to have a sex change and that’s why I looked for different solutions’. Since Greece was known for easily getting hormones at the pharmacy, Zu and her best Berlin friend Zugar Moon went ahead: ‘In Greece we started taking hormones in order to commence with our transition, yet things quickly started to turn for the worse’. In Mykonos they had to escape from the island because they weren’t able to pay their hotel bill so they went underground, into the clubs and the brothels but finally got busted and spend two years in prison. ‘After two years we got released when Interpol got involved. Two years of rape and torture by the police. I’m planning on writing a book about it since things were beyond the imaginable’. 

Zugar Moon returned to Berlin where she committed suicide and Zu returned to Amsterdam in ’86 after a phone call by Joost van Bellen (one of the resident dj’s and the artistic director at RoXY – red.) who told her they were about to open a new club and she could start as a performer: ‘So I became the Roxy Princess! My shows were always over the top but that’s what made me famous. I’ve been yodeling out of my pussy, pulling meters of dirty laundry out of my vagina and putting loads of whipped cream cakes in places where the sun doesn’t shine’. 

The list of people Zu worked with during her RoXY days is endless and impressive. She had an instant click with Leigh Bowery, became one of Erwin Olaf’s models and gave birth to a pig in Peter Greenaway’s Prospero’s Books: ‘I have the feeling it all kind of dropped in on me. I never looked for any of this to happen but people saw me, heard about me and that resulted in all those little assignments and performances. I loved doing all those things so one thing led to another. And when I was standing on that stage, seeing people watch me with those ecstatic eyes, I thought; well, it seems like I’m doing a good job.’ The once-in-a-lifetime experience that RoXY aimed for turned out to be a huge success. The interior got changed every six weeks and different artists, and the cabaretesque and extravagant shows gave the place a unique character. 

 

 

‘The RoXY burned down. Nobody got killed but Zu was the last person to leave the building. She was upstairs, doing her make-up and thinking she had a hot flash. Meanwhile the roof was on fire.’

‘One big family’ is an expression that comes with talking about the club: ‘We all did it for free but we were happy because we could drink all night long. We were all very glad to have a second home like that. It was always fun and always over the top. It wasn’t a place where you could spot your average go-go dancer, no, it always had to be bigger, more colorful, more eccentric’. Zu felt at home, in the company of like minded individuals and lost her heart in the performances – most of the time naked and shameless – she staged: ‘I’ve always been very at ease when it comes to being nude. I used to have an amazing body so it was worth to show off, yet the audience never quite knew what they saw. I didn’t used to be 100% woman so when I was doing a striptease act, there was always something in the way. If you know what I mean’. Zu got her final operation in ’87, in the first two RoXY years: ‘All in all it took me about 6 years before everything was in order so that was quite some time. Luckily that’s all over now so I’m already more than 20 years the most beautiful woman in Amsterdam!’. 

Pieter Giele, one of the club’s founders died in the spring of ’99. While celebrating his funeral on June 21st., sparks from fireworks ended up in the climate control system and burned down the club. Nobody got killed but Zu was the last person to leave the building. She was upstairs, doing her make-up and thinking she had a hot flash. Meanwhile the roof was on fire. The burning of the RoXY marked the end of an era and that kind of atmosphere was never to be found: ‘Let bygones be bygones, isn’t that what they say? You have to move on in your life. RoXY was there at exactly the right moment and place, yet times have changed now. Maybe times were more liberated back then and I don’t know why things like that don’t happen anymore. Nowadays everything is so clean and well behaved. Nevertheless, I do think the Roxy was the only place where such a thing was possible’. 

Fortunately the iconic Zu didn’t end up together with the club. Music has always been the love of her life so she’s working as a dj now: ‘I won an award for most sexy dj and I made a record with Les deux Electriques called ‘Je suis Zu’. More than 20 years later and Zu doesn’t begin to think of slowing down. She often wonders if people are going to get enough of her, yet they seem to be wanting more. She’s hosting a show on Pinq radio called ‘Tete a tete avec Zu’ and she’s writing a column for RAUW-blog: ‘Let me tell you something, I will always be the Queen of the RoXY, even after all these years. And I never even think about retiring. I guess I’m going to keep on doing things till I drop down dead. Whether they like it or not!’

 

www.zubrowka-international.nl

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Sven Ratzke

Text JF. Pierets    Photos Dennis Veldman

 

Hovering between vaudeville and jazzy chansons, conference and cabaret; playing for full houses in New York, Berlin, Zürich and London (just to name a few cities), Sven Ratzke is not easily captured in a few words. Describing him as a classy performer and an intelligent improviser dressed in eccentric costumes, with a strong scent of Berlin nightclub cabaret, might be a start. We leave it up to him to clear things up.  

 

What makes it so difficult to describe Sven Ratzke?
I do so many different things that it might be difficult to categorise, to place in a box. People often have to actually see the show to know what it is all about. I am not an easy act for the program leaflets. I always say I like to flirt with the 1920’s vaudeville, that kind of popular improvisation theatre with its interesting mix of songs and comedy conference. The idea that once you are on stage, anything is possible. And yes, maybe it isn’t easy to capture my performances in one word, but then again: I am not a big fan of all those boxes. They might be convenient sometimes, but not for me. As a consequence it remains a bit elusive and it takes much more time to bring it across to the audience. 

Do you really think it takes a lot of time? 
Let’s say it took me a while before I defined my genre as a performer. I am not the kind of cabaret artist that comes straight from the academy. I am a ‘learning by doing’ kind of person. Learning by traveling the world. It is a very personal approach and finding my form was quite a journey. I was raised in an old hippy convent where I performed in front of all the adults. Ever since I was a kid, it was obvious that I was going to be on stage but when I went to an actor’s studio, I hated it. I wanted to make my own pieces so I started off in theatre but soon, I switched radically to performing songs by Fassbinder, Brecht and Weill. I loved and still love those three-minute mini dramas so it was a very logical step to take. Of course the performance still lacked identity but it was a good start. Soon after that, I found myself in the Berlin scene with people like Georgette Dee. I was standing barefoot on stage because I didn’t have the money to buy the shoes I really liked. 

And now you are performing all over the world.
Sometimes I wonder: when did that happen? I realise that I have to be more aware of the great life I am living. On the other hand, you still need to keep on working. As an artist you never reach a point where you can say: ‘that’s it’. You lose things very easily and you have to keep on evolving. The more fame, the more misery! How is that for a quote? 

Since last year you have been playing ‘Hedwig and the Angry Inch’ in Berlin and now the show is coming to The Netherlands. 
I don’t see myself as an actor but when they asked me to play Hedwig, it was too beautiful a role to just let go. It is a theatre play about Hedwig, born a boy named Hansel in East Berlin, who fell in love with an American G.I. and underwent a sex-change operation in order to marry him and flee to the West. Unfortunately, nothing worked out quite as planned and years later, Hedwig is touring the US with her rock band, telling her life story through a series of concerts. I made the play my own by doing a large part of the re-writing and making a new German translation. Apart from the music band it is a one-man show in which I perform all the characters. 

Do you relate to such a character?
Hedwig doesn’t belong and I very much relate to that. I always wanted to play something different, something extreme. Hedwig is neither man nor woman. She is very in-between. That raises many questions and for some people it is troubling, for others it is like a warm bath. Yet it is a universal piece about someone looking for her other half. Besides that, I always dreamed of playing a woman. To physically undergo that transformation and look at the possibilities as an entertainer. As a woman, you have many more possibilities then when you are a man. When I place my foot on the table, all of a sudden that is seductive instead of tough. Since I have been playing that part, I noticed I want more of the same. I want to explore the transformational side of me.

 

 

 

‘When I arrive somewhere and things are not arranged properly, I just go home. Does that make you a diva? No, it is being professional.’

Yet you don’t define yourself as an actor.
No, and that is because I am quite obstinate and I have a lot of ideas. I always thought that being an actor was something very creative. That you are creating something at least. But you are still at the service of others. That is why there is so much of myself in Hedwig: she could be my sister, so to speak. It is my energy. Even if I would play, for example, a joker or a Nazi, it would still be me. 

Back to the creations that are entirely your own. I guess it isn’t easy to switch from Hedwig to an entirely different performance.
One week, I play Hedwig and the other I play my own shows. So switching from one gender to another is indeed a duality that needs focus. But I also switch between playing in sold out concert halls in New York and small villages in The Netherlands. As a performer you have to be flexible in your response to the audience. The US for example is very different from Berlin. In Berlin the audience reacts like they have already seen it all. In New York they say: ‘give it to me baby’. So you give it to them! That is an entirely different atmosphere and as an entertainer you have to be able to anticipate. You have to find a form you are comfortable with and that is versatile enough to reach the largest possible audience. 

The press talks about you in terms of ‘the unparalleled sex bomb of German variety’ and ‘an artistic phenomenon that continues to surprise’. Are you becoming a diva because of all these superlatives, Sven?  
Of course I am! I love divas! Diva behaviour isn’t a negative thing, you know. When you are misbehaving, you are called a Prima Donna. A diva is someone who gives everything and expects the same from you. When I arrive somewhere and things are not arranged properly, I just go home. Does that make you a diva? No, it is being professional. Nowadays there are no divas anymore. Everybody is approachable and I really don’t like the fact that everyone’s life is out in the open. I like a bit of magic. Take Marlene Dietrich for example. She dressed in a suit, smoked cigarettes and – allegedly – had affairs with both men and women. She was androgynous, not because she thought it was progressive but because some things just are what they are. In contrast to the present time in which everything we do is public, she was very mysterious. Of course that added to the image. 

You are a nostalgic person.  
I do have a tendency for nostalgia. I can get very sad about lost grandeur but I love classiness mixed with street credibility. Even though I will never perform in a T-shirt and like my glitter, I am still one of the common people. I like playing in clubs, very close and intimate.

You said earlier that you are stubborn, that you want to decide everything yourself. How does that work? 
With every project, I insist on my own crew. My own musicians, photographers, technicians, you name it. Even in the shows, during encounters with wonderful artists like soprano Claron McFadden or Nina Hagen, I am the producer. I like my independence and I don’t want an agent to tell me what to do or where to play. I intend to keep it that way because even as an artist, I have a strategy to continue growing. You have to keep a close eye on yourself if you want to stay fresh. If you move between a sad song and wild hilarity, you have to be focused. It still has to be authentic. So although performing is an addiction, I still want to be in control and keep all my options open. Luckily the world is full of opportunities!

 

www.sven-ratzke.com

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Text JF. Pierets    Photos Courtesy of Boy George

 

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How did you and Boy George meet and when did you decide on working together? 
Marc Vedo When I left school I started to organize events en George was one of the first artists I booked as a DJ. At the time I did not know him as a singer. I’d never even heard of Culture Club. I only knew he was a successful DJ in the UK. At the time I only listened to house music and he was a very good house DJ. We’d made a connection and we have been working together ever since. We’ve been touring since 2001, 12 years now. My wife calls him wife number 2.

I guess the music scene has changed a lot in all those years?  
Marc Vedo It used to be really underground. Clubs where very dark, you would just go there and dance. Now it has become very commercial. Clubs used to be about music and now it’s about bottle service. People go to a club, hire a table that costs 5000 euro and buy bottles of champagne. People go there because they want to be seen. You need to be very careful regarding your bookings because otherwise you could end up playing for people that are not even listening to your music.

Everybody can be a DJ? 
Marc Vedo Yes, apparently Paris Hilton is also a DJ. I actually think that for certain celebrities it’s a great opportunity to stand and perform for thousands of people, yet I’ve worked all my life to get here. I always respect what people do, but for some it’s an easy option to get paid a lot of money and that’s a bit lame. Technology came such a long way that instead of actually mixing, you just have to push a button.

You are a DJ, a producer, a manager and you make music. A lot of things. 
Marc Vedo I like being all those things. It would be boring if I were just one thing. I like business as well as music. Doing business deals and making a company grow is very exciting. I left school when I was 18 and went straight into DJ-ing. I was a mid 90’s to early 2000 kind of kid so I’m doing it for a long time.

You and Boy George just released a new single called ‘These Gods Will Fall’. 
Marc Vedo Yes, have you seen the clip? Great, isn’t it? I’m the one with the sunglasses and of course George is the one with the hair. We have a lot of music coming out, are going to do a lot of touring and lots of traveling. It’s all very exciting.

You’re working together for over 12 years now. You still feel inspired? 
Marc Vedo Always! Yet is takes months before we finish a song because of all our arguments. We’re both perfectionists so that’s not always making it easy. Nevertheless he’s one of the most talented people I work with.

 

Our time is up and Marc is getting ready to go on stage for a performance we will later refer to, as the best set we’ve heard in quite a while (check the tour dates!). Meanwhile Boy George arrived in the backstage. When I state that he’s even looking better than in the 80’s when I was younger and madly in love with him, he smiles and answers quickly and observant: ‘And look at you now, married to a woman with a beard. You still have the same taste as back then.’ I guess it doesn’t come as a surprise if I tell you that I felt 14 years old again.

 

When talking about your new album, the media covers that you are ‘back’. Yet you have never been gone.
Not really. I’ve been traveling the world as a DJ for 25 years now yet the dance scene is going through such a big transition. At the moment it’s shifted to America but Great Britain used to have the most vibrant dance scene. Now, there’s nothing. At one point in the early ‘90’s when acid house started in the UK, there wasn’t any small village or town you couldn’t go clubbing. There were clubs everywhere and sometimes we did 4 gigs a night; starting at 8 and going on till 7 in the morning. That was so crazy. Nowadays it’s completely different.

What made that kind of change? 
Obviously the world has opened up and I think people have a much shorter concentration span than they used to have. When you’re passionate about music, you can steal it. It’s not such a precious commodity anymore. There’s a good side about technology because it has given a lot more possibilities for anyone to make a record, yet the problem is they’re all making the same record. All that kind of wonderful individuality seems to disaggregate with the rise of technology. What you think and how you do things, is what makes you interesting. I don’t think there’s very much you can do that’s new, but the only way that you can do them is in your own way. The future is therefore all about interpretation.

And about live situations.
Indeed, nobody can be you in a live situation. When you perform as a dj or as a musician, you can only be yourself.

Do people see you as the person you are right now or are they still blinded by the 80’s icon? 
If they do, they’re living in the wrong decade. It would be the same, as if I would be hoping for a 14 year old you. It’s such a weird thing, you know, I’ve already been the old Boy George yet now I’m the new Boy George. I don’t live in the past and I don’t exist in past context. It’s really bizarre if someone thinks that I’m not like I used to be. Well no, I’m 52! Surprise!

 

‘There’s not very much you can do that’s new, the only way to do them is in your own way. The future therefore is all about interpretation.’

But isn’t that what usually happens with icons? 
I don’t really walk around and think I’m an icon. Get up in the morning, shave and think; ‘well hello icon!’ I just think of myself as a creative person. I love the fact that I get to do what I love and I’m always kind of working on new things. I got the chance to explore my creativity as a job and that’s amazing. Some people get it and some people don’t. Same as back in the days, some people got it, others didn’t.

Regarding your new album, is it autobiographical?
Let’s say it’s a reflection of me, yet less personal than the albums I’ve made before. When I was younger, I felt like I had to tell everybody everything about myself. As I grew older I realized I’m not obliged to do so. Some things are really precious, even sacred, and not for public consumption. My attitude on how I expose myself has changed dramatically because I’ve always been very careless. As a very young man I’ve been shoved in front of a camera and I really had to learn how to behave. I had to learn to protect myself a little bit and to say; ‘actually, this is none of your business.’ When I came to write this album I approached it as a very different person. I’ve been through a lot of interesting experiences in my life and I’ve done a lot of growing up in the last 5 years. I explore myself in a bit more of an inferior way in these songs. I sing about myself but maybe through the eyes of someone else. It’s not just me spitting my guts. And another important thing is that I am not unhappy. When I’ve made records in the past there was always somebody who broke my heart, some relationship gone wrong or some drama because when I was younger, I thought all relationships where about love. Everything was love. Now I realize that it wasn’t all love. Consider that a big revelation to me, and something I sing about on the album. I sing about the fact that I used to think that all of that drama and rubbish was real love, while love is something a bit more ordinary, a bit more organic. Sometimes it even smells a little bit. It’s not all fire works and police sirens.

In a few minutes you’re playing for an LGBT audience of thousands. Do you feel connected? 
They’re all my brothers and sisters in various forms and I think at the moment, the subject of gay events is very important. There’s so much stuff going on in the world. It’s terrifying. I feel like it’s going backwards. When I started my journey as a musician in 1982, I really felt like I transformed the world and people were just a little bit less uptight than they are today. People are pretty tolerant in the West but that’s about the only place. I feel like there’s a lot of work that needs to be done and it’s important to do so. On the new album there’s a song called Live Your Life; ‘Now is the time to live your life. There’s no second chance, you can’t rewind’. It’s a reggae song about a young boy. A lot of people have gay children and don’t talk about it, because if they don’t talk about it, it’ll go away, it won’t develop, it doesn’t exist. But it does exist and it doesn’t change. It’s so relevant to sing about those things and the song came instinctually around the time that one of my family members came out. He was 17 and communicated in a very different way than me. He just said; ‘I’m gay, get over it’. Quite an interesting approach.

How old were you?
I was 15 so that was quite young. It was in ‘75, ‘76. As an older man, I now understand that my mother and father also had an experience when I came out. It wasn’t just about me and I realize it wasn’t an easy ride for them too. Especially when you look at how my life evolved, became so public. You look very different at things when you get older.

Do you feel it’s necessary to make statements? 
I think it’s part of who I am. It’s not that I necessarily think it’s necessary, but it’s just part of what I do. Sometimes I think that as a writer, a creative person, you subconsciously pick up on things that are happening. Being a very obvious homosexual and being who I am, cuts off a lot of the smalltalk. Wherever I go, everybody knows that I’m gay so I don’t have to explain that. It kind of walks before me with a big sign. For me it cuts out a lot of the difficult stuff. I don’t have to explain anything because they already know. The problem is that they think they know more than they know because of what they read or heard about me. Some of it is true but a lot of it isn’t. Yet the only thing you can ever be is you. And life is about learning to be you. Whatever you are, whether you’re gay or straight; life is about the journey to yourself. Not as a star but as an ordinary person.

You said earlier that you are happy. Why? 
I’ve grown into myself a little bit. I don’t have such a complicated relationship with myself anymore. That really helps. 20 years ago I used to say that the universe was a mirror that reflects how you feel about yourself. I really didn’t fully understand what I said back then, but I do understand it now and it makes me feel more relaxed in my body and in my soul. I invest a lot of time into being happy by celebrating things. When I was younger, I didn’t really know you could do that. I didn’t realize that happiness was a choice. Of course life throws things at you and things happen that make you sad, but generally you have a choice on how you see things. You can choose on how you react to something, how you deal with your partner, how you hear things that people are saying to you. When I was younger I always wanted to change everyone around me. I treated them like dolls and wanted to change their hair, their clothes. What I’ve learned now is that you have to change yourself, you can’t change other people.

Yet you still search for the hectic life. Marc told me your schedule and it’s amazing.
It is, but I don’t drink and I don’t party, so for me it’s a very different experience than before. You can say I’m partying in my soul. I love what I do, I love music and I really enjoy being clearheaded and not feeling dreadful when I travel. I did that for years! I wore the t-shirt, did the tour! I’ve done it all and I’ve taken it to the ultimate conclusion. Being sober allows me to concentrate on what I’m doing creatively, to be focused and to do it with respect. It’s not very good to go out on stage when you’re drunk. It’s not very professional. In some scenes it might be considered really chique but at my age? It’s just boring.

 

www.boygeorgeuk.com
www.koolwaters.com

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Et Alors? magazine. A global celebration of diversity.

Buck Angel

Buck Angel

Buck Angel

Text JF. Pierets    Photos Courtesy of Buck Angel

 

Buck Angel is a female-to-male transsexual and founder of Buck Angel Entertainment. As an adult actor, he was able to create a unique niche, calling himself “The Man With a Pussy”, as he had not had any genital surgery and still possessed a vulva. In 2007 he received the AVN Award as Transsexual Performer of the Year and in April 2008 he was presented with a “Feminist Porn Award” for “Boundary Breaker of the Year”. Today, he travels the world as an inspiring advocate, educator, lecturer and writerA tête a tête with an inspiring personality. 

 

In an interview I read that you always wanted to be a man. Nowadays, your individual self is your brand. How does it feel to be looked at as something special when for you it was inevitable?
I always felt like a man, so of course I wanted to be looked at as a man. I felt this way my whole life, but so many people did not see me that way when I was younger. As I got older it made me feel horrible about myself. When I was able to change my physical appearance to match how I felt on the inside, it made me the happiest person in the world! I am so happy that now people see me for the man I am and it makes people realize that you can become whoever you want to be. Society should not put limitations on you just because they do not understand. So I like that the world views me as something special; I think this is a good thing.

Transwomen are more visible than transmen. Why do you think that is? 
Well I cannot speak for transwomen or transmen, really. I think we are all different in how we want to be visible in the world. Though I do think the visibility of transwomen has been more widespread because they have been around longer as a community. Transmen have just started to become more visible because the community is now becoming larger and more active.

You are – amongst many other things – a pornstar, an educator and a writer. Yet, there’s a very fragile glance in your eyes.
I am indeed all the above, though I’d like to think of myself more as someone who motivates people to think outside the box and to become themselves, like I have. My eyes…well I have lived through some rough times before my change. I was homeless and suicidal, and I was a drug addict. My past was sad in many ways, but I like to think that I have overcome it. Maybe my eyes still show the hurt that was in my soul for so many years? I know that this pain has helped me to have compassion for others. I feel very blessed and grateful for the happy life I have now, and I hope that I have the ability to inspire others to overcome the pain.

You just started a dating site for transmen. “Buck Angel Dating. A safe environment for those seeking out relationships or just fun with transmen and the people who love them”. What if it turns out to be a site for fetishists? Would that bother you? 
Interesting question. Why do people think that fetishizing something is bad? I am not saying that this site was intended to do that—I just opened the site for people to have a place to meet because there was clearly a lot of demand. It isn’t just for people looking to have a partner but to also for those who want to meet to have sex without having to explain their transgender status. On my dating site that is not an issue, so you can just get on with having a good time. Some people enjoy being fetishized; I do. So maybe some people will go there with that intention? You know there are some in the trans community who call themselves “activist” and they hate that I am a pornographer. They think it hurts the trans community. I think that is so sad, because my whole life changed for the better when I finally learned to love my body and have sex without feeling guilty. Many trans people feel that someone will never want have sex with them or they don’t feel sexy because their bodies are different than what society tells us is sexy and normal. My work helps to change that and show that if you love yourself (and yes, that includes sex) then others will too!

You are a pioneer and an educator. I think that comes with large responsibilities? When did you decide to talk to people about your experiences? 
You are right—it came with a bigger responsibility than I thought. I have learned so much by putting myself out there. I have had some in the trans community tell me that I am a bad person for saying things that I felt were important. But you know I think that by talking about my experiences some people (or maybe many people) can relate to me and feel less alone. I had a tough time in the beginning of my change as I had no community and no one to talk to or identify with. I think by me talking about this I can show how far I have come just because I had determination to be myself.

 

 

I hope that I have the ability to inspire others to overcome their pain.’

The other reason I feel passionate to talk and educate is because some people in the trans community say there is only one specific way to be a trans person. This makes me even more passionate and I want to help the people who are individuals and who want become their true selves, and not have to fit how the community wants them to be.

Your website reads that you are “re- defining gender and educating an entire generation on the fluidity of sexuality and identity politics.” I guess that sounds very complicated to someone who’s not into the subject matter. How would you rephrase your message to the mainstream public?
I think you are right about that. Maybe I should rephrase it for the mainstream and say something more like, “Showing you that becoming yourself and loving yourself can make you happier.” This is really the message I want to project. Since I have learned to love myself and create the body that I always wanted to have, I am so happy and comfortable with myself. It can be quite tiresome to always worry what people think of you and it can make life miserable—not just for trans people but anyone. I have all kinds of friends and fans who ask me all the time, “How can I live life like you do, without a care of what other people think?” I would always say that “Just learn to love yourself and become yourself.”

The overriding theme of your work is about self-love and acceptance. Are you a positive & optimistic person?
For sure I am! This is truly one of the keys to being happy. It took me many years to learn this but with determination and the desire not to have hate in my life, I have done it. The odd thing is that I notice the more “popular” I become, the more of a target of hate and envy I become for some in the trans community. Their hateful words kind of shock me sometimes, but I learned to not take these comments personally. I know that these people have not learned to love themselves like I have. They experience these reactions towards a person like myself who is free of that.

“A day in the life of Buck Angel”. What to expect? 
Ok, you will be shocked! I think people think I have some crazy lifestyle but really I am pretty mellow. My days are spent at my awesome home in Mexico (if I am not on the road working). I am married and have 7 rescue dogs and spend my time with them. I love to read and also workout everyday. I am also very much into health and fitness. I think this is a very important part of loving yourself.

It was great talking to you. Thank you very much and I wish you lots and lots of success.
Thank you so much for the interview and I hope that my work can help to inspire some of your readers.

 

www.buckangel.com

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Arie Boomsma

Arie Boomsma

Arie Boomsma

Text JF. Pierets    Photos Renate Breuer

 

He makes television shows for Dutch channel KRO. One of them is called ‘Uit de kast’ – Out of the Closet – in which he supports youngsters in their coming out. Striking a pose on the cover of a gay magazine is something he does without batting an eye even though he was born and raised as the son of a preacher man in a small village in The Netherlands. He preaches and parties. He’s kind and intelligent but he likes to do things his own way. Yes, there’s a lot to say about Arie Boomsma. A conversation about religion, gay icons and controversy.

 

When reading the above, one must think you’re quite the schizophrenic type. Yet you sound like you are completely at ease and in balance. How do you combine all these traits in one person?
Let‘s say that I love this kind of tension. I find it very satisfactory to get these contradictions to unite. It gives me the feeling that things are in motion. Maybe it appears to be contradictory but that’s not necessarily so. I sometimes find it difficult to be seen as someone who stands on the barricades while all I want to do is create programs about things that I find important. I feel it is my quest to make youngsters see that they ought to be open and free but I never felt the urge to be a taboo breaker.

You are very religious. Not exactly something you automatically connect with being biased. How come you’re so open minded?
The fundamentals were secured in my upbringing. My parents, who are also very religious, kept the doors to our home open to anyone who needed shelter. People who’d just come out of prison, missionaries from Africa or the occasional vagabond in need of a bath; they were all welcomed with open arms. My parents always said that faith is their basic principle but they also told me to check out their bookshelves and read. They knew that not everybody had the same belief and thought it very important for us to keep an open mind. For us to take a more profound look at the world around us was very important to them.

Is it very narrow minded of me to think that religious people are not tolerant towards any other range of ideas?
It remains a difficult discussion. I know a whole bunch of religious people who really think differently. But those are not the ones you hear the most. Therefore I find it very important to apply myself for a theme such as homosexuality. Because if you take the bible seriously you’ll read that it’s a command to step into the world with love in your hart and not to be judgmental.
I’m often in conflict with people who I think are abusing religion to prohibit people to do or to be something they don’t really are.

And is that the reason why you make television programs like ‘Uit de Kast’?
I want to be inspired by the things around me, by what happens at this moment, contemporary themes. Only, when it comes to sexual orientation, I’m even more motivated because I want to underline that if you acknowledge the existence of God, you know that he would never tell someone what he can or cannot do. God loves everyone and sees no difference between gays, hetero- or transsexuals, lesbians or anyone else. God makes no mistakes; he makes every person the way he or she ought to be. I would never say such a thing during the show, but I like to accentuate this vision during the promotion of it.

Sounds like you get much satisfaction from your work?
I do. Very much. I love to go out, eat, drink and party but in my work I find it very important to make a difference. To be relevant and to make a contribution, to make something right, as you like. Mind you, there’s a shadow side to the whole thing because I can feel pretty guilty when I’m not working. Then again that might be a Calvinistic motivation.

Do you feel successful?
That would be a little too easy. The second season of ‘Uit de Kast’ had about 700.000 viewers. It would be very tempting to sit back, relax and enjoy the success but that’s not my motive. Now, while working on season 3, I want to make it better, I want stories that matter, that inspire even more than the previous series. I don’t want it to end like some kind of trick, a format that works on TV. You have to watch out not to repeat yourself because it’s successful. It has to be repeated to have more impact. I want to keep evolving because even if some people think that homosexuality is widely accepted, it is not. For the biggest part it’s still something many people don’t know about. Something scary.

An idealist.
The core of idealism is that you should always feel that what you do is something good or that it adds something. It’s nice to get confirmation, but it’s not my first aim.

Those kids from ‘Uit de Kast’ really trust you. You can almost hear them say, “Here’s my hart, you can do with it whatever pleases you”.
That’s true. But that’s because we take our time and we talk a lot. We never give those kids the feeling that they are obliged to do anything. They are the ones that decide what will happen. We’re the happy few who can be present at this process. I’m always very proud that they want me there because there’s a lot at stake for those boys and girls. The stories they tell are real and sometimes very raw. That’s why I want a program like this on television. To show all those struggling kids out there that they are not alone. Let’s say I’m not done with trying to bring confidence and a sense of self-worth to those who need it.

 

 

God loves everyone, and sees no difference between gays, hetero- or transsexuals or anyone else.’

It must be hard to get those stories out of your head.
In the previous season there was this boy who told me that he hated himself when he looked in the mirror. He used to call himself a dirty faggot and stated that he would give both his legs to not have to be this way. Can you imagine that? That you are so disgusted of yourself because everyone in your environment always told you that it’s wrong, that it’s not the way you ought to be. So yes, those stories keep wandering through your head while you ponder on how to make this right. Fortunately everything is becoming better. The boy and I stay in touch. He has a boyfriend and slowly he starts to accept who he is. His mother is very interested, his family is strictly orthodox but they had the strength to put love in the first place.

And what about you? Are you very influenced by your surroundings?
I’m aware of my position in society but I try not to be too influenced. Some moments are easier than others and I don’t want to be bound fighting against any form of judgment. Then again I’m aware of my exemplary function. I work with high school kids and some of them look up to me.  Personally I can run around, saying I’m a free spirit and it ought to be possible to experiment with whatever you like, but I would never say “go ahead”. Because you never know what goes on in someone else’s mind.

You do so many things, yet they keep calling you a gay icon. Doesn’t that bother you?
In the beginning I was quite bothered by all those questions about being gay or not. I had to keep explaining that it’s not because you are on the cover of a gay magazine or the host of a themed television show, that you are necessarily gay. Nowadays I don’t mind anymore. I keep thinking that as long as hetero men are bothered about being called gay, well, I will keep shaking the tree. It’s very important that men like Obama or John Irving stand up for homosexuality. They should say that gay rights are civil rights, and that everyone should get over it. Those are people with a lot of influence, they could change a lot.

Your quote on Twitter says: ‘Optimism borders on irresponsibility’.
When you are optimistic, you have to be fully so against all odds. You must be prepared to see the beautiful side of things, even if it tends to be a little naïve. Being so hopeful, being so willing for everything to be fine, that it’s almost irresponsible.

Do you have it in your nature?
Yes, but it also became a way of living. People often mistake optimism for weakness but it isn’t. It’s looking at how to get out even when you are down. Like that Baron Von Munchhausen, who grabs himself by the hair and makes decisions to move on, even though it’s hard at times. It’s not in my nature to tend to the negative side of things. I see them and I’m not ignorant about them and sometimes they do kick in, but in the end there’s always something worth fighting for. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I’m never sad. I have my downs once in a while and sometimes I need to pull back from the world. I Draw the curtains, watch some movies and read some books to recharge my batteries. During these episodes I sometimes start to feel that the character of it all is temporary. I start to notice that the more you have, the greater your fear is to lose it all. Until now I never had any reason to be afraid. I have a lot of beautiful opportunities. I have a lot of possibilities and room to create, but because of that I also sometimes wonder what I would do if all this wasn’t happening. If I would still have so much satisfaction from what I do if there wouldn’t be any camera’s to register the act.

Would you?
I don’t think so. If you want to make a difference it better be grand and impressive to have the biggest impact possible. Not in the least with an audience. Although a large audience has to be the result, not the goal.

Yet you are working for public television.
I am, but I never have the feeling they keep me on a tight leash. We talk a lot. But indeed, on the other hand I’m dependent on the space they allow me to have. Luckily that’s a lot of space.

Is that why you are writing? Because there’s a chance that it might all end?
Maybe it is. It’s indeed something I could do forever. But the biggest motivation to write is because it’s such a nice antithesis of my public life. Those quiet moments, that kind of loneliness, just letting it all out. It’s a whole different way of expressing myself.

Last question. Almost every article about you is saying how involved, kind, intelligent or good looking you are. What’s the angle?
I don’t know. Even though I am everything that I am, this keeps being a relevant question; who am I, apart from what I do as a public person? A friend of mine once told me that he had the feeling I was living in a world of illusion. People talk different because they know me from television and I’m offered free coffee in a bar. Nevertheless, considering the programs I’m making, I feel like I’m standing right in the middle of it. No illusion at all. It’s what we talked about in the beginning of this conversation; everybody captures another part of your character and it’s not always easy to keep all those facets in one person. In no way do I mean that to be negative because I love being in the spotlights, but on one hand you have to take care that everything keeps on moving fluently and on the other hand you need and anchor. You must not forget what you do and what you do it for. And yes, maybe for some people I’m all paradox, but then again… I love flirting with those boundaries.

 

www.arieboomsma.nl
www.uitdekast.kro.nl

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